I was 7 years old when I memorized the faith chapter” of the Bible. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1)— I recited these words for my Sunday School class in a small white “Little-House-on-the-Prairie”-type church in Emden Ill. Of course in my 7-year-old world there wasn’t much substantive that I hoped for and even less understanding of that elusive connotation of things unseen.
For most of my childhood I took no heed to this synopsis of faith and instead blindly regarded it as truth— “childlike faith the Bible calls it. But, as I moved from one religious institution to the next— having to juxtapose the sacraments of the Lutheran catechism with the doctrines of the nondenominational Christian church and, eventually, the traditions of the Church of Christ— cynicism inevitably took its course.
It was my freshman year of college when I finally brought myself to utter what was a deeply unnerving admission for someone raised in the church and enrolled in a prominent Christian university— I don’t know if I believe in God.”
Faith in itself isn’t a difficult thing to observe. When I sit down in a chair I have faith that it won’t collapse under my weight. When I endeavor the more reckless escapades of my daredevil repertoire I have faith that my skydiving parachute will open and that the bungee cord won’t snap. When I can place such an amount of faith in ephemeral enterprises why is it so difficult for me to assert my faith in something as real and weighty as religious conviction?
The disclosure of my indeterminate faith forged the mindset that I was subsequently under no obligation to defined morality; my choices were no longer bound by the commandments of a book. Suddenly the pursuits of heathenism hedonism and every other derogatory “h”-ism were acceptable elements of my lifestyle.
After maturation and some self-reflection I gradually came to rest in my current state of mind— somewhere between the secular humanist advocacy that humans are the only constant in a sin-stricken world and agnosticism deemed by the NBC show “Community” as “the lazy man’s atheist.”
On the exterior I’m not the Church of Christ kid that so frequently makes its way into pigeonholes of the archetypal Pepperdine student.
In the past year especially though Pepperdine has not only provided affirmation that my doubts are healthy but has also supplied me— as well as my fellow students who I surmise are facing similar struggles— with the tools necessary to explore them.
With last semester’s conference by the Glazer Institute titled “Finding Common Ground: Reconciliation Among the Children of Abraham in which the disparities among Jewish, Muslim and Christian thought were addressed, and, more recently, the School of Law’s conference on The Role of the Church in Doing Justice Pepperdine students have been exposed to interfaith dialogue and social relativism in a way to which even the most secular or liberal institutions cannot compare.
When events such as these allow us the opportunity to consider faith from vastly divergent perspectives, skeptics like me— hardened by what seems like a scapegoat excuse regarding the hypocrisy and exclusion of organized religion— have no excuse to regard themselves as anything less than searching.” Whether or not I believe in God at this moment is beside the point; if there were no doubts to overcome there would likewise be no point to believing.
When I graduated from high school one of the most useful gifts I received was the first-aid kit a family friend (who was a doctor) gave me. It makes sense after all that someone would furnish a set of instruments from his or her specialization that would also be beneficial to my everyday life.
An institution such as Pepperdine famed for its religious ties and faith-centered curriculum would do well to similarly endow its community with a robust tool set to aid in the development of that which it so fervently advocates. With the recent trend toward open-faith dialogue it’s certainly on the right track.
So thank you Pepperdine. “What I hope for” and “what I do not see” may not be fully formed strongholds in my life just yet but slowly but surely I’m getting there.
