The notion of biking here in Malibu has always posed several problems for me during my time here at Pepperdine. Driving a car (no matter how fuel efficient) is a pretty big taboo among fellow environmentalists and yet I still find myself unable and unwilling to make the decision to pedal myself up and down PCH to go about my various errands and trips.
One of the biggest reasons that I have not wanted to go completely “carless” is that I am completely baffled by bikers. The vast majority of those I see riding on PCH aren’t carrying a great deal of cargo which indicates that they bike for the love of the sport rather than a means to go from point A to point B. So if they bike for athletic reasons instead of for the purpose of commuting then why in the world would anyone want to bike on PCH?
I can’t count the number of bottle blonde Malibu soccer-moms that I have seen with their cell-phone in one hand venti iced low-fat soy caramel triple-shot latté in the other and four screaming children in the back of a Cadillac Escalade (with spinners of course) while driving like a bat out of hell from the Malibu Country Mart. I can’t imagine the number of near death experiences that bikers face here. If a crazed celebrity straight out of rehab doesn’t hit you then you’ll certainly crash into one of the lunatics who sporadically dashes across the highway to go surfing or to grab a table at Dukes for Taco Tuesdays.
The second and undoubtedly most important reason why I have yet to become a biker is because of their dress code. I fail to understand why every biker feels the need to wear bright fluorescent tight-fitting spandex whenever they go for a ride. I don’t know if they’re aware of how terribly unsightly the view can be for everyone else but for some reason they seem to think it’s appropriate to dress like they’re in the Tour de France.
While I’m still not willing to stuff myself into neon yellow spandex with an Enzyte logo on the back I anxiously await the day when it will not only be safe but practical to ride a bike in Malibu. Until then I will remain perplexed by biker culture yet morally conflicted.