Yet another grueling week of academic life in Malibu has passed, rendering me alone on the floor of Payson Library, languishing under all the schoolwork I must complete before the night is up. Alas, I fear my column may not continue in light of the increasing likelihood that I drop out of school altogether; defeat draws near and it is barely the 12th day of the semester. No longer able to dismiss homework under the falsehood that “my books haven’t come yet” (I left my pink slips in my mailbox for four days … that line at the mail center … ), I wonder if it might be considered impractical to take a gap year with only 20 units and a lab science standing between me and a bachelor’s degree. Thus I cling to the solace provided by my fellow students who were kind enough to write in and share their highly relevant problems.
Dear Grace,
What is your personal stance on Internet research? I’ve been creeping this guy in my Poli Sci class and started listening to his favorite bands, watching his favorite movies, etc. Is there anything wrong with cultivating shared interests and talking to him about them? Would you consider this deceitful? Am I tricking him into liking me?
-GE Predator
In this new age of social networking, I daresay all is fair in the realm of cyber stalking. I mean, who hasn’t done a little research on a potential crush in order to screen potential dating compatibility? At a school like Pepperdine, where 80 percent of the faces are familiar and you’re likely Facebook friends with people you haven’t seen since NSO, we should take advantage of social media as a means to manipulate people into liking you for shared interests that don’t actually exist. Who’s to say Of Montreal wouldn’t have been your favorite band had you heard of them before?
A friend of mine did some legitimate predatory work via Facebook and Formspring (remember Formspring?!) our freshman year. I remember watching her click through pictures of a boy she had never met, memorizing his favorite foods, his outfit rotation, his parent’s names and his license plate number. I scoffed in superiority; who could be so desperate? Next thing you know, my friend is in a stable, long-term relationship with the object of her sincere, albeit slightly psychotic, affection. Joke’s on me, but what else is new?
Come to think of it, I once bought myself a Star Wars shirt in an effort to convince a certain member of the opposite sex that I was one of “those girls.” You know the kind I’m talking about: adorably geeky, effortlessly ironic, hipster and geek-chic all at once. Sometimes they cut their own fringe on them. Needless to say, I am none of those things and inept at fringe-cutting. Lo and behold, two days after the Star Wars shirt debuted, homeboy was down on one knee ready to update our Facebook relationship status from “bleak outlook” to “Quick, somebody tell me what a Sith lord is before my boyfriend finds out I fell asleep during ‘The Empire Strikes Back’!!” Needless to say, we are no longer together.
And while on the topic of virtual voyeurism, why limit oneself to the tight confines of cyber stalking? Pepperdine’s relatively small campus is extremely conducive to tracking people on foot, as steep inclines offer ample hiding places and text communication with suitemates provides updates on your crush’s whereabouts.
And so, GE Predator, I salute you for being assertive, intrusive and outrageously creepy. Keep up the good work, cultivate new interests, but perhaps keep a close eye on the extent to which you alter your own personality to trick your poli sci classmate into thinking he likes you.
