BEN YOUNG
Staff Writer
Uh-oh. Fire up the brute squad because Stern is at it again. No, not Howard Stern. NBA Commissioner David Stern. I suppose there could be a correlation between him and Howard, though it is a slim one at best. Think of David as Howard’s older, very dorky cousin. You know, the one that every family has and no family is really proud to claim. The one who somehow managed to miss the fundamental cultural brainwashing we like to call “the developmental years” when, as a child, one figures out the culture in which one operates. Now you have an accurate picture of David Stern.
And this week, Stern is not having fun. It’s not surprising that he’s having a bad week. Wouldn’t you be having a bad week too if you woke up and realized that an entire professional sports conference – in Stern’s case, the NBA – hated you? Oh come on, you say. How could it be that bad? Surely, not everyone hates this Stern guy who I haven’t really heard of and who you say is a dorky cousin. I mean, good grief, what gives? Let me play out what happened for you.
I do not know if you remember that infamous night when the Pacers and Pistons went to war. Long story short, there was a brawl, a bunch of players were punished and the NBA decided it needed to take a hard look at its image. And it did. But instead of deciding to change anything substantive, they decided to slap down a dress code on the players. And now, the players and pretty much everyone who breathes oxygen on this earth is kind of upset about it.
Stern has imposed a dress code. From this week on, players can no longer wear baggy jeans, do-rags and “ice.” They must trade in the street wear for the business casual. From this week on, mock turtlenecks and Italian suits will abound. It will be glorious and the NBA’s image will improve. Or so he thought. And he thought wrong.
The issue is not the players’ clothes that define the image. The issue is these players define the image. Is making a guy like Tim Duncan wear a suit going to clean up the NBA? No. The fact that Duncan manages to be a respectable human being and a thoroughly decent fellow helps the NBA’s image far more than him looking like a middle-aged board of trustees’ member.
Look at Kobe. He’s been wearing suits for a while now – ironically enough, under these new measures, Kobe would be a respectable human being. That’s laughable. And the list goes on and on and on. Is dressing up Allen Iverson going to help the NBA’s image? No. But maybe forcing AI to put down his “gat” and quit acting like a thug would help.
And that is the crux of the issue. Making players shape up their behavior off-court would go much further than making them look “respectable” when they are in post-game interviews and walking to and from the team bus. Where is the accountability in the NBA? Where are the people who are supposed to keep these guys in check? Sure, making players trade their thug wear might lend the appearance of respectability, but come on, that just simply is not enough. It takes more than a dress code to change the image of a league.
It comes down to the fact that Stern is scared. The bottom line is at stake, and he is not willing to sour the pot. Maybe I’m naive and idealistic to think that everyone sees the real problem at hand. Or maybe Stern is just ignorant of reality. Either way, this dress code is a shoddy measure, cobbled together to do nothing more than just annoy people.
In other news, has there ever been anything on television more refreshing than this World Series? Being able to watch two teams that do not have any “boo-hoo, cry me a river, sob sob” curses (Boston) or psychotic management (New York) or steroid pumping freaks (San Francisco) or KKK owners (the Reds – OK, that was a long time ago and they haven’t been contenders since they picked up Jr., but seriously, how can you resist taking a shot at Margie Schott? You cannot.) and just play some baseball has been excellent and given me new hope for the game.
And speaking of new and great things, guess who attained the top spot in this week’s BCS? Yes sir, Texas. Not that anyone actually cares about the BCS, but for Texas fans everywhere, Monday was indeed a happy day. And we are still on the path for a tremendous Rose Bowl.
In short, in case you need a brief update on where this column has been for the last 800 or so words, here it is. The new NBA dress code is bad and Texas football is good. Oh, and go Astros.
10-31-2005
