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Stay off the naughty list

November 18, 2012 by Gabrielle Otero

Art by Xander Hayes

Every year there seems to be a list of unwanted presents that gets passed around to parents, siblings, friends and relatives who show up in our lives only twice a year. Without fail, they all seem to be in some sort of club that distributes this unspeakable list and show up at the door with nicely wrapped presents and ear-to-ear smiles. Don’t let those smiles fool you, though — beneath those ribbons and bows are some of the worst presents in the history of Christmas, Hanukkah, and all other end of the year holidays. It’s understandable that Christmas is not all about gifts, but for Christmas shopping purposes, keep in mind these five undesirable presents.

 

The Christmas Sweater

 

It hasn’t been updated since 1942, yet you can guarantee that Christmas 2012 will host a wide array of the Christmas sweaters. You know exactly which sweater I mean, with the heavy fabric and dizzying design that your mom makes you wear when the purchaser comes over — no matter what time of year it is. They come in all kind of styles, adorned with bells, blinking lights and even singing parts.

 

The Unspeakables, Undergarments 

 

Its more likely than not that you have been the victim of an insensitive parent or relative who wraps underwear in a pretty festive box and makes you open your presents in front of everybody. For all those who think this is a practical idea, give this gift during a one-on-one conversation where the recipient will not be overwhelmed with embarrassment.

 

Anything Matching

 

While matching presents might be appreciated by some, the consensus is that unless it’s a wedding band, it’s not cute. Therefore, significant others, overly affectionate parents and spontaneous siblings, stay away from matching bracelets, pajamas and I’m-with-stupid T-shirts.

 

Anything Generic

 

It’s understandable that once-a-year relatives will have no idea what to get you. However, generic pencil sets, shirts two sizes too small and infomercial gifts are to be avoided this year. A simple phone call can make generic gift giving completely avoidable.

 

The Gift Card

 

Yes, the gift card might be a blessing for mall-crazy teenagers, but besides that, the gift card screams a pit stop to the mall 30 minutes before Christmas dinner. If you are going into the store to get the card, you might has well pick out the first thing you see, put in in a box and be sure to tape a gift receipt to it. It’s a lot more personal, even if what you do pick up is something unrecognizable.

Filed Under: Life & Arts

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