MARY WISNIEWSKI
Assistant Living Editor
D’Esta Love probably did not know she would meet her husband Stuart at a church in Oregon. She probably did not know they would wed young either — she at 18 and he at 20. Now it would be hard to imagine the pair apart.
This March, the Loves will have been married for 48 years. They have two children and five grandchildren.
Stuart said they were married so young that it’s hard to imagine life without her. Now, it’s also hard to see the couple far away from each other. After all, what sets them apart from many other married couples is that they work together, too. Stuart is a religion professor and D’Esta serves as the University chaplain as well as an adjunct religion professor. They also teach “Christian Marriage in a Modern World” as well as occasional Religion 102 classes together.
D’Esta said working at the same university as her husband is terrific. And although they work in close proximity, D’Esta said the dual careers challenge still makes finding the necessary time in the marriage challenging at times. Of course, the closeness helps.
“We have lunch together nearly every day,” she said. This semester, it’s been trickier to maintain the everyday lunches due to conflicting schedules, but they also send each other e-mail messages throughout the day, and make occasionally visits at the other’s office.
D’Esta said part of the reason their marriage is successful is their shared faith.
“It can be a source of strength and blessing to the relationship,” D’Esta said. “I think that is why our marriage is strong. It has been a resource to us.”
Stuart said communication is important to a lasting relationship.
“I look upon D’Esta as my greatest friend; therefore, I enjoy being with her,” Stuart said.
In 2003, the National Vital Statistics Report reported that 3.8 people per 1000 got divorced and resulted in 291.4 million divorces. This statistic excludes California, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana and Oklahoma, states that don’t report. When divorce seems as common as a cold, it’s nice to know that lasting marriages, like that of the Loves, still exist.
They certainly aren’t the only couples to prove it — other Pepperdine faculty show that long lasting marriages are more than a fable.
Tammy and Gary Selby got more than just a six-week mission trip and tour of French-speaking Europe through Harding University — they also got a strong friendship, and eventually, spouses.
As of this summer, they will be married for 27 years. The couple has two sons and they say they couldn’t imagine their lives any other way. They, too, work together. Tammy is the director of Disability Services, and Gary is a professor if communication.
“It’s great working at the same place,” Tammy said. “We’ve been really blessed. We are best friends.”
Tammy said some of her fondest memories in their marriage occurred when they traveled long distances by car, a frequent occurrence in their early years.
“We had fabulous car conversations,” Tammy said.
These conversations certainly have not ended.
Tammy said they still have fun together, and usually, they explore different areas of California like San Diego or Yosemite one weekend each month.
Gary said some of his favorite memories in their marriage are when they create time to enjoy each others’ company. He said he likes
sitting out on their balcony at home, drinking tea with Tammy and talking for an hour or two.
Tammy said becoming the person God wants her to be is important in her marriage and is something she finds with Gary.
“He’s a good complement for who I am,” she said.
Gary said the best part of marriage is that he has a soul mate.“There’s an incredible level of comfort,” Gary said.
Visiting professor of humanities and teacher education Jeff Banks knows what it’s like to work with a spouse, too. Although his wife Sherry does not teach at Pepperdine — currently, she is a director of a nonprofit organization — she went overseas with Jeff several times and taught a few courses through the university such as an American in Paris, a class that focused on such people as F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway.
Jeff said he liked teaching overseas with his wife. Once, he even found her as his student in a human relations course he taught — a class that Jeff said is usually noted for the emotions it elicits.
“She did a lot more self-disclosure than I would have liked,” he said, “In front of 18
students, I could have done without it.”
At the end of the class,
students always give feedback, he said. Sherry gave him so many positive comments; Jeff couldn’t help but reveal his emotions. “I ran out crying,” he said. His students summoned him back and offered him a roll of toilet paper.
This is only one of many memories the couple shares; they have been married for 43 years and have three daughters. Jeff said there are so many wonderful parts of their marriage because she is his “soul mate, friend and lover.”
“I still think she’s cute and still love her,” Jeff said. “But I’m wearing glasses now.”
For those interested in learning more about lasting marriages, on March 23rd, the Loves will present a convocation on theological developments pertaining to relationships as well as how to build meaningful relationships.
02-08-2007