My summer was characterized by one too many YOLOs.
I read somewhere that the biggest causes of obesity in America today are sodas and the actions that follow someone saying “You Only Live Once!”
It’s inundated itself into our vernacular like one of those ticks that kept me from venturing into forests as a child, fearful that one might crawl into my body and attempt to raise a family in my hippocampus.
The phrase is not innately evil by itself, but we’ve sure done our best to villainize it. Drake said it in a rap, then, like an army of those parrot toys in the waiting area of a Cracker Barrel, we all started imitating him in a misguided form of individualistic expression.
You only live once. It’s true, but so is the phrase “Diabetes isn’t fun.” You don’t see people running around Pepperdine shouting “DIF” at each other — crap.
You made it to college. For those returning, congratulations; you didn’t die for an entire calendar year. We’re all lucky to be at Pepperdine, a gated community in Malibu where 3,000 kids of similar age run about in a state of delirium, stuck in a vortex somewhere between childhood and the real world; and I’m not talking about that show on MTV, though all it takes is a few bad life decisions to find yourself punching someone out in a Jacuzzi on that show five years from now.
Regardless, this experience we’re about to embark on together is abnormal. The world doesn’t have Caf cards or so many freaking stairs. We’ve all signed up for a complex social experiment that ends with us in an open field wearing robes. It’s like the “Hunger Games” — without all the killing.
This experiment has the potential to represent the best of the human spirit. It also could fall far short of that. We could spend this year stealing statues, Tokyo drifting down PCH and partaking in any random combination of hooliganism. It’s up to you.
Each new semester comes with the overwhelming feeling of untapped possibilities. If you were a weirdo in high school I’ve got great news — you can totally change your identity None of us will know… except me of course, who’s reviewed all of your Facebook timelines from birth until now.
A rogue wave is an abnormality out in the middle of the ocean that has a tendency of threatening the norm around it, of disrupting the stasis, if only for a moment. I’m not really a rogue wave (I’m a person), but that’s the title of this column because it’s a pun and also because part of my heart will always be at the bottom of the ocean with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg’s characters from “The Perfect Storm.”
By definition this is a humor column, but the forced expectation of laughs is more weight than my shoulders can hold. Take a look around you. Life is absurd in all the best ways. There are a lot of things that go on around these parts that don’t make sense. If you can’t stop and laugh every once in awhile at the grandeur of it all, it’s a shame.
Try to go through college with the constant understanding that you’re here, in the middle of the storm, experiencing it. If you’re not careful, this year will pass by like that one girl in junior high who totally had a crush on you but you couldn’t make your move because it was at a dance and your mom was chaperoning in the corner.
Don’t let days dissolve into one another. And if you’re weird, that’s awesome; embrace it. We’re all weird. College is about becoming yourself, not morphing into an Abercrombie model.
I will try my best to point out the absurdities around us every week on this page in the Graphic. I hope you enjoy it. And, though it kills me to say it, you do only live once, so try to make this year count.
