Dear Grace,
I never realized “Ring by Spring” was so real until this month — it seems like everyone is getting engaged! As a senior with less than two months to seal the deal, what do you recommend I do?
Ready to Mingle
Dear RTM,
I remember the days leading up to my freshman year of college, days I spent laughing at the absurd notion that Pepperdine students frequently got engaged before their 22nd birthdays. I scoffed at those stereotypical Christian school kids, racing down the Stauffer Chapel aisle, eager to jump into a life of Godly wedded bliss without ever experiencing the excitement of the post-grad dating scene. How silly, I thought to myself. How short sighted and irrational.
It was easy for my 17-year-old self to laugh contemptuously at those impulsive, naive college seniors, rushing into lifelong commitments without any thought as to what such serious vows might truly mean for the future. I figured they had all been home schooled and were looking to star in the next version of TLC’s “18 Kids and Counting.” I knew better. It was easy for me to laugh.
Perhaps it was easy because at 17, something within me felt sure that I, too, would have no problem tying the knot no more than a week after my scheduled graduation date. Back in 2009, 2013 was light-years away. The idea of college life held promise and hope, hope of new people, tall boys and pale green summer 2013 save-the-dates dusted with shimmery embossing powder. Not wanting to appear irrational and dreamy, my cynicism was nothing more than an elaborate ruse to be maintained until the inevitable arrival of a marriage proposal intended for me.
Inevitable indeed. Freshman year passed. Sophomore year flew by. I entered junior year with great hope. Hope waned.
I, too, have reached the 11th hour of my college dating career sans significant other or trace of any remotely interested party. As I prefer early autumn weddings, I need to get invitations in the mail no later than August, leaving me practically no time to cultivate a serious relationship, provoke a marriage proposal and order a dress in time for the ceremony. Few options remain, RTM, and those that do require extreme confidence:
No. 1: Time the Perfect Swoop
Scan Facebook for those tiny broken hearts indicating an ended relationship. The emotional stress of intense heartbreak can be quickly manipulated into a rebound situation from which you may benefit. Act quickly enough and the wounded, unsuspecting party may adjust seamlessly into another serious situation, picking up where they left off in the last. Sure they intended to marry someone else a week ago, but who can afford to be so picky in matters of this urgency?
No. 2: Woo a Professor
Sometimes Pepperdine students are just too immature to embark upon the challenging seas of marriage without elaborate and time consuming coercion. Turn your attention instead to one of the many eligible, elderly faculty members more suited for a long-term commitment as his or her life may not extend much longer. Not only do Pepperdine professors have a stable income (rare in undergrad students), they have all the charm and allure exclusive to members of academia.
No. 3: Pop the Question Yourself
Humiliating though it might be, you may need to stoop to one knee in the interest of a timely wedding. Embarrassed? Think how flattered the subject of your declaration will feel. Ask enough people and you will no doubt receive at least one tentative yes. You too have entered the elite ranks of “Ring by Spring,” seniors!
