So Beyonce didn’t come to Pepperdine. Didn’t happen. And yet we let ourselves fall. We let ourselves believe in something. Let our minds wander off where they would. And who could blame us?
News spread last week that Beyonce Knowles-Carter was on her way to Pepperdine for a private tour of the school. Our student body nearly self-imploded. And then, with half of the freshman class in tears lining the inside stairs like a nightmarish version of the Von Trapp family, the culprits claimed ownership of the prank, and laughed in our face.
And I, as someone having thought some eager senior’s fiancee was walking around, was left wondering just what the heck happened.
But the prank itself, if examined for authenticity, sort of falls on its face, doesn’t it? A trusted student tour guide says Beyonce is coming. Everyone questions it. Others fan the flames. People start saying, “Weird, I guess she is coming.” Then, right when we’ve given up the desire to second guess, the pranksters come out and shout, “Got ya, suckers!” right in our faces.
I’m sorry, what? What was the point of that? That’s like telling a sibling that Mom died. Then, when they start crying, you punch them and laugh at them for being such a sissy. What did you expect our reaction to be?
We should’ve known better, though. I’m surprised not one single person offered up the counterpoint that Beyonce was clearly in New Orleans prepping for her transformer-exploding halftime show. I’m even more surprised no one thought it weird that one of the world’s biggest superstars just randomly had the inclination to see what the Howard A. White Center looked like from inside. Can you imagine?
“I’ve seen it from Google Maps, but street view can only capture so much,” says GQ’s Sexiest Woman Alive. “Hey, can you show me around the J. Pengilly House? I’m just dying to see what decorations their RAs came up with this year.”
Alas, none of this happened. Maybe one day Blue Ivy Carter, in all her glory, will check in for NSO (Fall 2030 for those counting). But until that glorious day, when Jay-Z sits in attendance of Frosh Follies wondering how far he’s come — how tragically far he’s come — from the “hard knock life,” we’ll be forced to settle for Britney Spears showing up to Dance in Flight.
What did the culprits stand to gain from conning the whole school? Are they somehow better for this? Maybe. Wealthier in spirit? I can’t imagine how they’d sleep at night. Maybe they’re more popular, in the way people who get embarrassed flock to their bullies as a means of ensuring clemency in the future.
The takeaway from this act of foolhardy deception is that we all need to chill on the celebrity freak-outs. Beyonce could have added zero to your life — save a Twitter update. How much cooler would it have been if she did come to Pepperdine, but we were so busy living our own lives, that nobody stopped to even notice her?
Now that would be a killer prank.
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