Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
Nostalgia has never been as overpowering as it is now — a displaced feeling attached to the past. It is not just a memory but a sensation that I have struggled to interpret — like an ache that is both joyful and sad, and a feeling that is both bittersweet and intoxicating.
College forces young adults to step across a threshold into the unknown, and the human mind has no choice but to adapt. Nostalgia in the early stages of college feels uniquely intense because it’s tied to both place and identity.
The anchors that once defined stability, like friends, relationships, schedule and sense of belonging are suddenly rearranged. This disorienting shift gives even the most minuscule details of the past heightened emotional heaviness.
Whether it’s a song, an interaction, a smell or a person — the mourning of the past suddenly feels all-consuming.
When life feels unfamiliar, the mind instinctively searches for solid ground, often reaching backwards for comfort, according to University of Florida Department of Physiology and Aging.
On a personal level, when a significant change happens, like starting college — my mind stretches to find something that feels normal to hold on to. That thing usually ends up being the past.
College has forced me to outgrow a previous version of myself, and I catch myself holding onto my past self for familiarity. I get stuck in moments of the past that transport me to that old version — and they tend to engulf my present self.
I discovered that part of this nostalgia may stem from a grief for the easier times, when the constant worry of a career or a future wasn’t present in my life. Or the constant feeling that I should already have a solid grasp on who I am and what I want my purpose to be in this big scary world.
I am frequently wondering if I’m making the right choice with my majors, fearing everything I do now with my studies will determine what my future looks like. I run back to the times in my life that I didn’t have to think about these things and find comfort in the distant memories.
Leaving for college created a mental divide: one between my life before leaving and the life that I am building here now. I’ve learned my nostalgia is partly a subliminal acceptance that the moments I miss are in a life I have now stepped away from, and I feel nostalgia for my past life.
Sometimes it’s reminiscing on a comforting childhood memory, or yearning to relive a moment in a place and a time or with a person that I am now so far away from. It is a paradox of both accepting that my life will never be the same while quietly resisting the fact my childhood has come to a halting end.
I often have to remind myself that college is supposed to render an evolution of myself. It’s what I wanted it to do.
The person I was before has been left behind not in loss, but in growth and transformation. The constant visits my mind plays to previously lived moments are just reminders of everything that I’ve experienced to bring me right here.
They aren’t meant to hold me back but to remind me of all of the pieces to my identity. The unfamiliarity carves the path that guides me into all of the right directions.
Over time the newness becomes normal, and nostalgia evolves into appreciation rather than longing. It shifts from mourning what I may have “lost” through leaving home into gratitude for what I have lived — and what I am becoming.
The dawning of anything unfamiliar is scary, and sometimes the beautiful privilege of having memories leads to a battle of yearning for the past. It is sometimes difficult to remember that all of the worries, all of the off-putting feelings that coincide with change are natural, inevitable and even necessary.
College is the first big and independent step that young adults take toward the future. Whether it meant flying across oceans, driving across state lines or simply commuting from home every day, it comes with a bittersweet farewell to a life that was once known.
___________________
Follow the Graphic on X: @PeppGraphic
Contact Eva Shauriki via email: eva.shauriki@pepperdine.edu
