Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
I generally consider myself a creature of habit and routine, and I invariably prefer stability over frequent change. I’ve met people who love moving from place to place, meeting new people wherever they go, and I often wonder if they are constantly nervous.
I gravitate toward people and places that are constants in my life. I am not easily bored, and I find it difficult to imagine life without the familiar.
But it is inevitable that one day I will be living without familiar people and places. If I live long enough, there will come a point when almost everything has changed, and very little of what used to construct my world will remain.
The idea that “nothing is promised” is a tired turn of phrase, but I think it’s stated so often because it’s true. When anything can happen at any time, stability is delicate where it exists at all.
Though change is unavoidable, I try to avoid it when I can’t ignore it. When I look back at transition periods of my life, I remember feeling very neutral and brushing off opportunities for sentimentality, sadness or celebration.
In my efforts to attain a sense of control and constancy, I think I have somewhat missed out on important moments in life. The ability to embrace change, whether it is hated or appreciated, could be helpful for enhancing the full range of experiences.
Change is closely related to mortality, and I think for this reason it can be unpleasant for a lot of people. As a person gets older, grief becomes a stronger and stronger element of life, and the fragility of everything is made painfully obvious.
Close friends move to different states, careers shift, family members die and the landscape of the world goes through a thousand upheavals. Some of these developments are gradual and others are sudden, but they are subtle reminders that humanity is bound to unpredictable outcomes.
Grief is traditionally framed in relation to the death of loved ones, but a form of it also occurs with the passing of anything well-loved or important. With changes, big or small, people experience a different kind of grief that only piles on as the years go by.
But grief is also a reminder of joy, love and the irreplaceable value of relationships and memories. It is painful, but it ultimately originates from a lot of good.
Change is far from a generally negative or difficult thing. Change very often brings improvement, and without it, I never would’ve met some of my closest friends — I wouldn’t be the person I am right now.
Change also affords me the ability to vote and attend college as a woman. The present moment can be just as turbulent and difficult for people as the uncertain future seems, and if humanity does not push for a different world, injustice and suffering will be constant.
As people get older, one’s life is not doomed to be characterized by death and perpetual mourning. It is also the case that many people change for the better, develop their strengths, move past tragedy and nurture new relationships as time goes on.
I was reminded of these possibilities when I read the screenplay for “Up” in a screenwriting class a few years back. This movie follows Carl Fredricksen, voiced by Edward Asner, who pushes everything and everyone away after the death of his wife, and his only purpose seems to be waiting for his own demise.
Throughout a bizarre adventure with young boy Russell, a talking dog and a giant bird, the curmudgeonly protagonist learns to care about something outside of himself and the house he’s tried desperately to preserve. In the process, he learns to let go of his grief and live a fulfilling life again.
Mr. Fredricksen reminds me a little of my grandfather, who lived his last years in a kind of desolate trailer park, and who really didn’t need much besides his books and his cat. I’m almost a similar way, low-maintenance and yet high-maintenance, independent and yet resistant to anything that breaks my small routines.
However, the ability to embrace the dark side of change might enhance the ability to appreciate its beautiful qualities. Lately, I have tried to let go of my tendency to mute the ways that new situations affect me.
While I feel grief more keenly, I also feel gratitude, joy and admiration more easily than before. It is not easy, but so far it has proved worthwhile.
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Contact Alyssa Johnson via email: alyssa.johnson@pepperdine.edu
