BJ FLEMING
Staff Writer
At the Avalon Club in Hollywood March 31, I was the fourth youngest person at 22 years-old. The three people my junior were fellow Pepperdine students. It was supremely depressing. I had never seen so many shaved heads (symptom of thinning hair) and leather jackets (symptom of longing for youth) in my life. My friends and I have no jobs, no money, no prospects, no 401k and hence no friends here. We were at a lame, old-person concert; things were gloomy.
The show was slated to begin at 8:30 p.m. and didn’t begin until 9. In the interim, we stood as close to the stage as was possible without reserved seating, which put us right against the back wall of the room roughly the size of Elkins auditorium.
The temperature was approaching freezing due to the propped door for smoking outside. But at least there were $9 drinks to keep the of-age toasty. I might have left if I hadn’t been for on assignment. As it were, though, we settled in for what we assumed would be a night on par with Pictionary with the parents and neighbors.
That said, The Dan Band in concert rocked my face off completely. Facial reconstruction added to the expense of the $20 tickets, but even considering that, it was worth every penny.
If you’ve never heard of them, The Dan Band is the wedding band that belts the R-rated version of “Brighteyes” in the movie “Old School.” If you laughed during that scene, you’ll definitely dig The Dan Band live. Their live show is like the film performance injected with anabolic steroids, doused in kerosene, lit aflame with the monotonous Wilson brother absent.
The (genius) idea behind the Dan Band is that they, astute, comedic straight men passionately render classic “diva songs” from the 80s and 90s complete with choreography, costume and props; then hilarity ensues. There’s something intensely satisfying to me about a band of unkempt, dorky white guys wailing songs almost entirely sung originally by good-looking black women.
Dan and his band performed most of their songs (all covers) in medley form — two or three consecutively, and usually at twice the original tempo. For example, my favorite medley was “Shoop/Whatta Man/Never Gonna Get It.” Though, other, notable tracks include “Milkshake,” “Genie in a Bottle/No Scrubs/Slave 4 U,” and “I am Woman.”
Dan is a true showman.
During the musical introduction to the “Shoop/Whatta Man/Never Gonna Get It” medley, Dan conversed with the audience.
“Yo, what’s your name?” channeling Salt of the musical duo Salt-N-Peppa. “Steve,” came the reply, to which Dan returned “Steve? That sounds sexy!” and spitting the rhyme of the “Shoop” medley.
He also recruited an
attractive, young blonde to be his sweat rag caddy for the night.
“Throw it up here when I get sweaty. If [your boyfriend] gets sweaty, too he’s (expletive deleted) out of luck.”
We decided to leave when a 30-something woman posed this question to one of my friends: “Hey, why don’t you take some Ecstasy with me?”
It is a rare occasion that my parents and neighbors use
psychedelics during Pictionary.
In spite of the poetic balance that would’ve been had we accepted and ended the night with much craziness, declined the drugs and went to bed.
04-06-2006
