Nick Mah
Ladies, let me tell you about my friend
People have pointed out that this column is a bit negative, and that it’s a bit self-absorbed. Since I can’t disagree with either of these statements, I’ve decided that I would use this week’s space to help a friend of mine and hopefully one of you as well.
Now, I’ve heard many girls around Pepperdine, indeed around the world, complain about there being no good guys. Well, I personally must beg to differ. No, I’m not talking about me, I talking about my friend _______. (His nickname is in the Catholic Hierarchy.)
Allow me to paint a picture.
He’s tall, blonde and beautiful. Should his hair grow long, you might see Fabio in the unemployment line. Really, I don’t mean to exaggerate, but trust me, he’s a god.
Movies are a passion of his. Some of his favorite movies are probably some of your own: “Cinema Paradisio,” “Dirty Dancing” and “Titanic.” He has also acquired a vast knowledge of the finer points of art of comedy by spending extensive amounts of time on the couch.
His unique comedic sense shines through every time he tells a story, which is almost every time he speaks. By the fifth time you’ve heard a particular story you’ll begin to realize just how genius this young comedian is – the next in a short list of men who can make falling down funny over and over again. John Candy, Chris Farley and my friend. He is the only one of those still alive, which makes him that much more of a steal.
I’ve been told by his many female friends who count on him for support that my friend is a great listener. He is such a great guy that he never once has taken advantage of one of these girls when they are in the depths of an emotional stroke.
He boasts a tremendous ability to comfort those in need. I have often seen girls fall asleep in his teddy-bear arms. To some, such an intimate relationship with the women in his life, without actually having sex with them, would seem like the definitive traits of one not interested in attaining the highest reaches of the female/male relationship. I assure you that this assumption is completely without merit.
Right now, he is in the kitchen tending to a wounded dog. I can see him. The dog will not stop scratching the bleeding gash on the side of its face. So what does my friend do? With great care and compassion he wraps the dog’s paw in duct tape. The dog stops scratching. Ladies, you see what this man can do. If you are wounded, he will wrap you in “duct tape.”
Women, he is interested in you!
While some readers might see this column as a desperate and potentially demeaning measure on the part of a close friend of a lonely man, it is my friend’s self-deprecating humor that allows him to take this sort of thing in stride.
Never before have I met a person so willing to laugh at himself, yet another appealing aspect of his unique and effusive personality.
And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. I mean, ladies. Only the tip of the iceberg, as they say, has been uncovered as far this mountain of a man goes, so I leave the rest in your hands.
Or, if that’s not urgent enough for you, come to the Pepperdine Rugby game this Saturday at the track at 1 p.m. He’ll be there. I’ll be there. You should be there too.
January 24, 2002