By Peter Celauro
A&E Editor
“For the love of Pete!” I groaned, tossing the remote on the couch and throwing up my arms in disgust. “Three hundred channels and nothing but rap videos, ‘The Bachelor’ and a yellow dish scrubber in square pants. Who comes up with this stuff?!”
Just then my cell phone rang. Standing up to answer it, I got in two good steps toward the bedroom before falling flat on my face.
I looked down. Wrapped around my ankle was the cord to a Playstation 2 controller that had been lying on the floor for three days. Just as I’d untangled the mess and pushed my way to my feet, my computer emitted one long beep from across the room and then shut off, instantaneously deleting all the work it had taken me an hour and a half to do. No sooner had the computer shut off when the phone rang again, this time filling the room with a hideous, bitter cackle.
Standing there, the hapless victim to the countless AC-powered hellions that were laughing at my very existence, I lost it.
The door blew open as I tumbled out of it onto the front porch. It was there, panting, blinking in the bright sunlight and smelling the freshness of the morning, that I had an epiphany.
“It’s a beautiful day,” I thought. “It is one heck of a beautiful day! And here I am wasting it all away on the couch! That’s it, no more of this nonsense. I’m out of here.”
I grabbed my keys and made a beeline for the car. It was at that moment that I realized my life was about to change. I’d finally ended my seemingly inescapable digital slavery! From that point on, no beeping, glowing, ringing box of wires was going to keep me from my destiny — squeezing every last delicious drop of juice out of this crazy thing we call life. At last, I was free.
I spent more time on my feet that day than I had in months. I took a walk down to the beach and relished the feel of the sand between my toes. I jumped in the Pacific for a moment and jumped out shivering, remembering why I try not to swim in the ocean after Sept. 10. I ate lunch at a beachside seafood joint that I had always wanted to try but never had the time to … until now.
I took a stroll through Santa Monica and felt as though I were seeing it for the first time. Street performers were suddenly hugely interesting, sweet aromas from local restaurants enticed me, people-watching became an exciting sport. With the weight of the gadgets and gismos that had previously ruled my life off my shoulders, I felt a freedom I’d never felt before.
I hiked through the hills that day. I took my car through the carwash and marveled at the way the water trickled down the windows. I sat on the porch and played my guitar, watching the sun as it set over the hills, casting a gorgeous orange glow over the new world I hadn’t experienced for so long — the world that had been right under my nose.
That night as I lay in bed feeling more refreshed, healthy and happy than I had in a long time, I reflected for a moment on what had happened that day. Was my day of nature worth the countless television shows, mp3 downloads and cell phone calls I missed?
I’m sure they would have been … if my adventure had really happened. I actually stayed inside that day, putting off my Organizational Behavior paper by talking on Instant Messenger and half-watching a Lizzie McGuire marathon.
It sure sounded nice, though, didn’t it? Hopefully, someday soon I’ll gather up the energy, motivation and granola bars to turn off the television, get up off my posterior and experience that great big world out there.
Until then, though, check out channel 78 … they’ve got monkeys dressed up in PEOPLE clothes!! And they’re doing people stuff, like talking into a banana like it’s a phone! Ah, television!! God bless the information age.
October 02, 2003