ASHLYEE HICKMAN
Living Editor
Chocolates, roses, creepy naked babies wielding deadly weapons—Bah hum bug—wait, wrong holiday. Valentine’s Day is often viewed as plague rather than pleasure. Some would argue that Hallmark and Hershey’s just want consumer America to believe that this is the time to acknowledge one’s love so that they may cash in on the gifts, cards and confectionaries. Stores turn into pink and red wonderlands over night and jewelry commercials and ads appear more often. For those who choose not to be jaded by the commercial ploy, where is the escape? When a V-day lobotomy is not an option, here are five tips that will leave you saying “Valen—who?”
Step One: Let’s Get Philisophical
This Feb. 14 exercise your logical skills. We’ve heard about Descartes’ saying, “I think, therefore I am.” Now let’s extend this concept, shall we? How about, “I think, therefore it isn’t.” Exert the power of the Sharpie and shade in the “Valentine’s Day” note on your calendar and any other personal effects. Denial is the first step to recovery in this five-step program.
Step Two: Give it a Remix
If the holiday void is too much to stomach, replace it. When you think about it, February doesn’t really count. Fast forward to March 17, and it’s St. Patrick’s Day. This is your chance to seek revenge on the couples who densely dote around campus. All you have to do is adorn a green outfit and pinch all who haven’t followed suit. Yes, people may think it’s a bit odd. If that’s not your style, have fun with friends and shift the associations that follow Valentine’s Day by creating new acronyms such as the day of Pushing [the] Unloved [to] Keep Eating, or National Emo Day.
Step Three: Eat Chocolate
Valentine’s Day may be awful but, hey, chocolate still tastes good. Take this opportunity to let out the inner choco-glutton. Reward the little things: finish that paper, pop in a Kit Kat, find matching socks, work out a the gym, eat a Hershey Symphony bar or two. The consumption of chocolate is a sure-fire way to brighten anyone’s day no matter how bleak. Remember, because Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist, neither do the calories.
Step Four: Watch Horror Movies
Nothing sticks it to the “holiday” harder than the sight of a man’s leg sawed off. Valentine’s Day is naturally the day of the chick flick. People swarm to their local theaters or their living rooms to watch the latest quirky, handsome leading man woo the girl who thinks she has all the answers. While others sway and swoon to the sweet nothings of Hugh Jackman in “Kate & Leopold,” pop in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” and watch all the V-Day anxieties melt away. After all, the same romantic story line gets rather old.
Step Five: If You Can’t Beat It…
Just join it. Valentine’s Day does not have to be about significant others, expensive dinners and over-the-top public displays of affection. Use the holiday as an excuse to tell friends and family how much they are appreciated. Do the works: make cards, hand out candy, etc… Though a boyfriend/girlfriend may not be in the picture, it doesn’t take away from the amazing people who are present in your life. If this suggestion is too warm and fuzzy, stop by Target and buy anti-Valentine’s Day candy. Then when passing it out you can get the satisfaction knowing that Valentine’s Day truly is for suckers.
02-08-2007