I don’t honestly think anyone enjoys working out, but nevertheless the student body here at Pepperdine makes a commendable effort to stay in shape. People run on the track, swim laps in the pool and even do yoga out on alumni park (do people actually do this?). But the most popular form of physical exertion here on campus is hitting the gym; and by gym, I mean the glorified closet underneath our basketball court. The Pepperdine student weight room, accessible to all 3,600 of us, is a fine 5’ by 200’ facility capable of housing as many as six students at one time, so long as they don’t workout the same muscles. Want to run on the treadmill? They’ve got two (although you’ll have to join the waiting list –– it’s nearing 2 months at the moment).
Despite all of its fantastic capabilities, the weight room does have some setbacks. Timing is everything when it comes to getting swoll. If you want to get your workout done in a relatively quick manner, be sure to show up before 7 a.m. or after 7 p.m.. Otherwise, the entire facility is shoulder to shoulder from one wall to the next. It should be noted that President Andrew K. Benton is working diligently, but you’d think for $50,000 a year each dorm room would come with its own treadmill and personal trainer; I don’t think that’s asking too much.
But physical limitations aside, the gym’s biggest problems are not in what comprises it but more so who inhabits it during open hours. You guys, when it comes to weight room etiquette, we all need to get our acts together. The situation isn’t ideal as it is, and it takes a lot of us (read: me) quite a bit of convincing to get down there in the first place. So, let us work together to ease the pain of this entirely too common human interaction by following the Official Student Weight Room Conduct Constitution of 2012
No. 1 Don’t check out your abs in the full-length mirrors. No Exceptions! Come on guys, what are we doing? This would seem obvious, but you would be shocked how common of an occurrence this is. Yes, I understand that mirrors running down both sides of the facility can be tempting, but there are other people around, and that’s just … odd. After all, if they were there before, and you’re working out, chances are they haven’t gone away.
No. 2 Try to keep the volume to a minimum. Again, we all see how much you’re lifting. There’s no need to scream like you’re passing a kidney stone after every rep. It’s unnecessary, and ultimately frightening. No one wants to work out thinking the person next to them just got shot or is dying every five seconds. A quick rule of thumb –– others can hear you through the music blasting from their headphones, you’re too loud.
No. 3 Do not wear anything that shows off your nipples. Speaking to guys here: cut offs can be nice, what with their range of motion and cooling capabilities, but when your nipples start to show, you end up just wearing a glorified rag. I know we’re on the irreversible path to everyone walking around nude by 2025, but it’s still 2012, and modesty, though on life-support, is still alive.
No. 4 The weight room is not the place to meet and/or flirt with a girl. It may sound good in theory, but bringing a girl on a “mini-date” to the bench press makes me feel like a third-wheel two machines away, and nobody likes to feel like dead weight.
No. 5 Don’t set up a tent on one machine. We’ve only got about five of them down there, so this one’s pivotal to getting people in and out. We all want the same thing, and that’s to get the hell out of the weight room as quickly as we can so we can resume clogging our arteries at the HAWC.
I’m not speaking from a soapbox here, you guys. I use the gym just like everyone else; but I’m just trying to stave off a heart attack later down the line. I think that’s a noble goal we should all strive for. Let’s drop all the complications in between, keep the above rules in mind, and return the weight room to its previous glory.
(Note: Did such a time ever exist?)
