LINDSEY BOERMA
Living Assistant
You are caught in a whirlwind of varying emotions. Leaving Smothers Theatre after just having seen Dance in Flight, you are torn between feeling awestruck, jealous and humiliated for not being able to bust a move. Luckily, here is a five-step guide to help you eliminate one of those confusing reactions by teaching you how to get your groove on just like the performers in Dance in Flight. No need to feel humiliated— by the time you’re done, you could be Dance in Flight.
Step One: Be the Instructor
That’s right— with a pinch of confidence and some serious luck, you can teach yourself to be the hippest dancer since Kevin Bacon in “Footloose.” Before you do anything, though, you have to first convince yourself of your mad dancing talents, because if you don’t believe it, no one else will either. Try taking a picture of yourself in the most ridiculous dance outfit you can find, which should be enough to convince anyone. Then, blast your most guilty musical pleasure such as N’Sync, Britney Spears or Hanson. Finally, set yourself free and prance about to the music. Congratulations, you’ve just shown up half the contestants on “So you think you can dance?”
Step Two: Pull a Napolean
Admit it. When you hear the three words “sweet dance moves” together in that order, one thing comes to mind— Napoleon Dynamite. So, if you just don’t have the basic coordination required for teaching yourself to dance, then just do as Napoleon did. Rent the most psychedelic and ghetto dance video you can find, lock yourself in your room and come out a pro. Napoleon did it, and now he’s basically a dancing legend. Come on— that kid could boogie.
Step Three: Take a class
For those of you not embarrassed to show your happening dance moves (or lack thereof) to the public, this step is for you. There are classes offered for virtually every kind of dance in existence. For the graceful— ballet. For the crazy toes— tap. For the, shall we say, unique— interpretive. Just find your niche and enroll. If the more experienced dancers start to laugh at you, don’t worry. They’re just jealous because we actually have the courage to try new things.
Step Four: Swipe a Dancer
Some people just aren’t natural-born dancers. However, that’s alright when we have a hidden agenda to kidnap someone who is. Those Dance in Flight performers, for example, couldn’t hide their smooth moves if they tried. So, next time you see one of them innocently bopping down the street, snag them and force them to teach you everything they know, whether dance-related or not. After all, maybe it’s that genius math problem they can solve that’s really pushing them to grooving greatness.
Step Five: Use Your Imagination
For the truly uncoordinated, stop sweating it and grease up that dance floor— you, too can be a dancing queen or king. Or, at least you can pretend. Try sticking to one aspect of dancing, such as balancing on your tip toes. All you really have to do to impress people is stand on your toes for an extended period of time while occasionally shifting your feet around. Sounds easy, no? Well, for those of you who would like to avoid bent, purple toes, have no fear. There is an even easier way to go about fake dancing. Go to the Web site www.dancesisterdance.com, and you can paste your face onto the body of a dancing fool. Whether you’re lazy or just plain untalented, this method is the way to go.
02-15-2007