OK, now they’re just mocking us.
For reasons known only to God, Pepperdine has become infatuated with the idea of implementing a ticketing system for everything here on campus. First it was Convocation, which went so horribly that I didn’t even know they started it when I got the official news that they had ended it (I guess sometimes it’s not always cool to have moves like Jagger). It seems hard to believe that 1,000 kids trying to fit through one open gym door is still our best exit strategy. But that’s for another time and place.
The ticket system was then installed at the Waves cafe flattop, with student feedback ranging anywhere from “it’s still pretty slow” to “it’s actually slower than before, if you can imagine.” Again, I know what you’re thinking: With the Caf closing at 8 p.m., would you be foolish to show up any later than 6:15 p.m. if you hoped to get something from the grill? Good question, but unfortunately it’s neither the time nor the place.
That’s because I’m more concerned that Pepperdine just crossed the line with their new housing selection process. It’s a lottery system, and from strict appearances it seems to be the most understandable of the three. After all, who wouldn’t want complete transparency and autonomy over their living situation next year? Well don’t let this minor detail fool you. Because the main problem here is that the decisive, one-day-only, first-come, first-served housing draft of 2012 is taking place at 9 p.m. on February 14 in the Caf: VALENTINE’S DAY.
If it didn’t already leap off the page and slap you across the face, please understand that this is Pepperdine’s little way of reminding us that we don’t have anything better going on that day! And because of this ludicrous housing decision, I had to spend last Thursday trying to console my girlfriend, who was lying in the fetal position on the floor sobbing hysterically. My calm explanation of spending Valentine’s by the Caf fireplace with a “really special” course of pasta primavera from Sodexo did not placate her in the slightest. When I tried to sweeten the deal by throwing in a cup of fro-yo (no more than .32 lbs, I’m on a budget here), things only got worse.
Now I know I’m not the only one in this position. And I’m pretty sure everything Pepperdine does is calculated and well thought out, which is why I’m so personally offended by the timing of this event. It’s clear that Pepperdine just assumes none of us have any romantic interests whatsoever, and that the entire student body is made up of asexual individuals looking for a sense of “community” and perhaps an occasional side hug. But my Facebook wall has been blown up far too many times by engagement announcements for me to buy in to this propaganda. Lonely or not on Tuesday night, we’re all human beings capable of love, and should not be subjugated to a boring housing lottery on the biggest holiday of the year.
The most egregious part of this whole fiasco is that Pepperdine has consolidated two of our biggest anxieties into one night: the fear of being single and the fear of having no friends. Have we turned our backs on poor souls standing alone in the cafeteria on Tuesday night, without a signifiant other to celebrate the occasion with or a person to share living quarters with in 2013? I haven’t; we must band together. We cannot stand here and let them trample us, laughing while they do it. So what if we’re single? So what if we don’t have any friends?
Hallmark did not manufacture this made-up holiday so that its minions would spend it standing awkwardly around the Fireside room. In the immortal words of Bob Marley (or Janet Jackson …who knows), let us fight for our right …to party. Join with me and send an angry (but tasteful) email to housing@pepperdine.edu. Let’s free Valentine’s Day from Pepperdine’s oppressive shackles. By doing so, we shall seize the night once again. After all, what’s it to them?
