SCORPIO — Stop climbing the ladder and take the stairs.
SAGITTARIUS — Don’t turn left this week.
CAPRICORN — Scorpio’s job is up for grabs. Also, the elevator’s empty.
AQUARIUS — Only the good die young, so don’t worry.
PISCES — Virgo’s ready to help you this week.
ARIES — Your best years are ahead of you.
TAURUS — You can steal anything from Sagittarius if you stay on his left.
GEMINI — Avd vwls ths wk.
CANCER — Take the plunge and get into a new TV show right before finals. Nothing bad will ever come of it.
LEO — Taking yourself seriously is no laughing matter.
VIRGO — Don’t leave home without a stapler.
LIBRA — Help teach Aries and Leo how to enjoy the moment by narrating it.