SCORPIO — The 8-ball from the pool table in the HAWC has the answers to all your questions.
SAGITTARIUS — Brush up on your movie trivia on IMDb and start a debate with Aries.
CAPRICORN — Flattery will get you nowhere, but mimicry will get you behind locked doors.
AQUARIUS — Hire a court reporter to record your internal dialogue.
PISCES — Click this link.
ARIES — It’s a good week for you to gamble. Don’t hold back.
TAURUS — You can’t escape meaning. Not even through the fire door.
GEMINI — You’ll make Leo’s day if you give him a high five.
CANCER — Don’t let Aries borrow your stuff this week.
LEO — Gemini’s going to try to slap you today.
VIRGO — If you want to know what Aquarius thinks of you, this is the week to do some light reading.
LIBRA — Get ready.