After being back from Guatemala more than a week I still struggle with knowing how to respond when people ask me how my break was. It seems like no matter how hard I try words always fall short. When I try to describe the process of building the church I can never quite explain how being dirty sweaty sunburned sore and physically exhausted brought me closer to Christ. When I try to describe our time at the orphanage I can never fully express how a meager orphanage in Guatemala full of kids who have been abused left behind and given away can be more full of joy and laughter than any other place I know. When I try to describe Gloria del Libano I am never quite able to convey how a church with borrowed instruments run-down stereo equipment and no children’s minister a church lacking programming objectives or a detailed model one that cannot offer members networking opportunities or day care but only the simple truth of the gospel could move me to weep shamelessly like a child as I held the hands of complete strangers.
Words cannot capture the intricacy the depth and the multifaceted nature of our experience. I was in a place that is more corrupt more devastated and more broken than any other I have visited and yet I still found myself more fulfilled more joyful and more connected to God than ever before. Laura Kashishian described it best when she said “Guatemala was the best week of my life and then in the same breath admitted that she cried every day in Guatemala.” That was the nature of our trip one beautiful illusive and mysterious contradiction. I think in those moments none of us truly knew whether we were devastated or hopeful broken or full in the darkness or the light. But maybe we were all those things. Maybe that is the beauty of the life that Jesus preached a life filled to the brim with holy discrepancies and blessed contradictions. He said “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven and, whoever loses their life for me will find it.” Maybe in the midst of devastation there is hope in the depths of brokenness we can still be full and within the consuming darkness of night the light still breaks through.
I think this truth the truth that a life spent following Jesus is one full of emotional paradox is best captured when Paul said “For when I am weak then I am strong.” We know all too well that our weakness is the best canvas for the Lord to paint the true nature of his majesty. There were so many moments before this trip came to fruition back when it was nothing more than a renegade idea that I lost faith and worried that it would never get off the ground. When we only had four people signed up the day before we needed to turn in a deposit on our flight and then had 16 people signed up by the next day. When we had only raised $400 for the church with less then two weeks to go before our trip and than ended up raising $7400 to give to the church. Throughout this trip I saw firsthand the truth that even “if we are faithless He remains faithful.” And in the midst of my weakness and doubting when I had no choice but to surrender to God and admit that I could not do this without Him He not only provided but did so abundantly.
So more than anything else our week in Guatemala taught me that if we truly want to follow Christ we must allow our hearts to be opened to the full scope of human emotion. We cannot turn a blind eye to injustice we cannot try to hide the obvious depravity that exists in this world and we cannot willfully ignore the dire need for redemption and reconciliation. Of course this complicates things. It would be much easier to remain in our safe and comfortable church buildings and talk about the theological implications and biblical precedent for helping the poor. But while the Lord has promised us many things one thing He never promised us was an easy life. However our willingness to expose ourselves to the brokenness of this world is just the first step and in actuality probably the easiest. Because while we are called to get our hands dirty and allow ourselves to truly experience the pain and suffering of others at the same moment we are called to share hope and love and joy. We cannot look at the broken state of this world and fall into bitterness and despair but rather it must lead to a holy discontentment that stirs us to action.
Because ultimately we know that in the most evil people and darkest places there is still some good. There is still hope. There is still the possibility of redemption. And those of us who went to Guatemala know this from experience. Because in the midst of tragedy in the midst of alcoholic fathers that abused their children and immense poverty that forced loving parents to give up their only children and heartless decisions that led parents to treat their children like cattle giving away some while keeping others there is still undeniable beauty. There is still Daniel’s smile Jonathan’s eyes and Vicente’s soft voice repeatedly whispering “amigo” as you hug him. There is still laughter and joy jump roping and chalk art singing and pretending; there is still fútbol and tag granisadas and dulces hammocks and siestas; and ultimately if we look close enough there is still hope.