Dear Grace,

Which fraternity should I join? I.E. which frat is the coolest?

Sincerely,

Bro Seeking Bro

BSB,

Where to begin? With such a varied selection of solid, intellectually focused, Christ-centered, leadership oriented bands of brothers around campus, where could one possibly go wrong…? Before answering your question specifically, let’s get a feel for those things you hope to glean through fraternity membership.

Before rushing, it’s important to understand your own motivations behind taking part in the process. In order to help you do so, I’ve compiled a series of questions covering a vast spectrum of topics, questions I hope will serve as a beneficial soul searching exercise. Here they are:

1. Are you attracted to 

a. Girls?

b. Boys?

c. Both a and b?

d. Neither?

2. Are you from

a. California?

b. Texas?

c. Elsewhere in the Continental U.S.?

d. Europe or Australia?

3. Is your annual income

a. Under $25?

b. Between $2,000 and $5,000

c. Over $125,000

4. In your free time do you

a. Read your bible?

b. Hit the gym?

c. Dage/Darty

d. Holla at dem ladies?

5. Do you shop at

a. Hollister?

b. J. Crew?

c. Goodwill?

6. Have you ever been convicted of

a. A Misdemeanor?

b. A Felony?

c. Arson?

7. Is your favorite animal 

a. A Cat?

b. An Orangutan?

c. A Zebra?

d. A Great White?

Congratulations on completing the official men’s Recruitment quiz! Although it may be difficult to draw conclusive results on which fraternity you should join based solely on these questions, show your answers to any junior or senior on campus and they will no doubt be able to steer you in the right direction free of personal bias.

You might also ask yourself which group you were hoping to emulate as you eagerly circled “Great White,” when really your favorite animal is a baby elephant. As some famous person somewhere always says, it is often the moment before the flipped coin drops in which we know what result we truly wish for.