Evelyn Barge
A&E Editor
There is nothing quite as excruciatingly painful as sitting through one of the countless art theater productions that take place on a nightly basis in the beautiful city of Los Angeles.
Perhaps it is the sense of raw desperation to get a real acting job that makes these events so unbearable. And if you’ve ever been invited or dragged to such an event, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
The theater is usually no bigger than a medium-sized cardboard box. And the décor frequently mimics the inside of said box. Seating involves some makeshift platforms that feel as though they might collapse at any moment. Sitting inside one of these cramped, stuffy venues, you can’t help but wonder if the roof is really as strong as it looks — especially if you’ve found yourself trapped in one of the dreaded basement theaters.
Having made the mistake of becoming friends with a number of people involved in the L.A. art scene, I have been to more terrible theater productions than I care to remember. And just when I think I’ve seen it all — every angle or subplot or twist that could possibly arise -— I meet a director who is daring (or foolish) enough to incorporate a sexy, female astronaut with schizophrenia into the narrative.
I’m not kidding. I actually went to that play.
Productions that are touted as “arty” or “new age” should be avoided at all costs. Convoluted dialogue, abstract scenery and bizarre plotlines are standard elements of an artistic production. Video projection feeds are also popular as a background element. So if you weren’t confused enough by the rest of the play, there are plenty of moving images flying around the walls to serve as distraction. I find the only thing I typically walk away from these kinds of productions with is a raging headache.
Then, there is the improvisation studio. Luckily, there are a number of fantastic improv and comedy venues in Los Angeles like the Groundlings and the L.A. Improv. But, as with all things in Hollywood, for every successful improv actor, there are a million wannabes who would kill to take their place. Lots of little improv groups have sprung up over the years, but, sadly, there is frequently nothing comedic about their performances. Imagine hours of silence with a few laughs interspersed in between. The awkwardness of a bad improv act is only compounded by the fact that the actors are so close in proximity that their sweat literally drips onto the audience.
I’ve also attended those rare events that are actually worth the acting group’s suggested donation and a few hours sitting on a plywood box.
But, for the most part, going to a small theater production in Los Angeles is about as much fun as stapling your finger to a desk. Unless, of course, you can learn to revel in the shamelessness of it all. And while it takes some effort to become desensitized to the melodrama, vanity and pretentiousness that inevitably pervade these productions, the quality of laughter and eye-rolling shared after the show almost makes up for those hours of your life that you’ll never get back.
03-24-2005
