Dear Grace,
I am interested in a girl who I see is a very strong spiritual leader. I just feel average and sometimes a bit shy to ask her out. Should I just focus on my grades and maybe date my junior/senior year?
I really do not know how to approach girls and sometimes I can get a little nervous. Since I am a Christian, I would like to know what you think it is that distinguishes a boy from a manly man of God?
Sincerely,
Wallflower
Big shout out to this week’s question asker — my column’s first legitimate email from a source other than one of my roommates, siblings, sorority sisters or close personal friends! That being said, the pressure is on right now and I sincerely hope I will be able to adequately answer this question.
I’ll be honest with you: I’m a big advocate for acting on a crush. I know others often say that patience or time is necessary in cultivating a strong friendship before you attempt to move a relationship to the next level, but I am always the first to say to go for it. Regardless of whether you act now or choose to wait, however, you will ultimately need to have a conversation, whether on the swing outside of Darnell or over coffee at Starbucks, in which you finally mention, boldly or subtly, that you’re interested in something more than just friendship with this girl. I think one of the key attributes that separates boys from men at this school is the ability of a male to confidently ask a girl on a date and tell her that he is romantically interested in her.
As much as the Define The Relationship conversation is often mocked or used as the butt end of a Pepperdine dating joke, sometimes it is simply necessary to sit down and talk with whomever it is you think you might be interested in. Indeed, Pepperdine students have taken the term “DTR” and applied it to any conversation involving a male and a female about the prospect of potentially hanging out alone together, indoors or outdoors, on campus or off. Because of this common misuse of “DTR,” the conversation itself no longer needs to involve a declaration of undying devotion. Rather, just a casual implication that you might want to hang out again, grab dinner or watch a movie together is all that’s required. If you play it cool, act relaxed and confident, you will encounter one of the following results:
1. Enthusiastic Agreement:
The ideal result of any DTR. You go out to coffee, you chat, you laugh and as things are winding down, you express how much you enjoyed your time together. She agrees. A second date is imminent.
2. She Declines:
So she makes you feel stupid for a few minutes, and you drive back to campus in silence. So what? You found out how she felt and can move on to the next!
