Sarah Pye
Editor in Chief
He sings. He dances. He tells knock-knock jokes. He’s … Moses?
OK, the knock-knock jokes might be a stretch of the truth, but a singing, dancing Moses is still fairly uncommon. Or at least it was until Patrick Leonard and Meribeth Derry decided that a big-budget Bible show was their ticket to musical theatre success when they wrote “The Ten Commandments,” now playing at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood.
Unfortunately, it seems Leonard and Derry had about as much success in writing a good piece of musical theater as Ramses did in keeping the plague of frogs out of Egypt. No matter which way you look at this show, the inexperience of its creators in the genre shines as glaringly as the Star of David on a clear night in Jerusalem.
The faults of the musical are innumerable. First, the tagline: “Val Kilmer is Moses.” Yes, that’s right, the star of “Top Gun” and “Batman Forever” was cast as the man to lead a nation to the Promised Land. Though his biography lists an extensive catalogue of starring roles in Shakespeare’s plays, Kilmer should have stuck with the Bard: there’s no singing in those shows.
Though Kilmer is well-remembered for the singing he did when cast as Jim Morrison in Oliver Stone’s “The Doors,” we must remember that performances on stage are entirely free from the harmonizing effects of movie magic.
However, this all-around clunker should not be blamed entirely on Kilmer. The material he had to work with wasn’t stellar, and between the tragic lack of dialogue; the collection of trying-too-hard, pop-esque songs; and some truly embarrassing choreography, there was a lot to distract the audience from the main character’s shortcomings.
The plot of the show is basic and familiar, although the writers did take some liberties with the story. But in the interest of musical theater, why let a few pesky Biblical facts stand in the way?
The show opens with Moses’ birth mother setting him adrift in a basket, and continues through his presentation of the stone tablets bearing the commandments to the Israelites. Of course, they needed to liven up the story a little, so the writers threw in a love triangle between Ramses, Moses and a woman named Nefertari.
Sadly, the Israelites’ trip out of Egypt is not the end of the suffering for either the Jews or the audience. One of the chief failings of “The Ten Commandments” is the attempt by the writers to make every song a memorable pop-rock-gospel infused ballad that could easily be played on about half the stations on the radio. Sure, the patron saint of Bible shows, Andrew Lloyd Webber, is often accused to pandering to a pop mentality in his scores, but at least he limits it to one song per show. Thirty-plus is just a few too many.
A look at the background of the composer and lyricist quickly clears up any mystery as to why this is (Leonard has collaborated with Elton John and Madonna; Derry wrote a hit for country singer John Michael Montgomery), but it still wasn’t a good idea. Though some of the tunes are catchy (notably “Is Anybody Listening?” and “The Horns of Jericho”), the lack of dialogue means the audience is dragged straight from one supposed show-stopping hit to another, with no time for plot or character development in between.
It’s too bad, too, because some good performances by legitimate actors in the few songs that did have real potential to be show-stoppers (Adam Lambert as Joshua is powerful on “Is Anybody Listening?” and Lauren Kennedy makes a seductive Nefertari in “When We Rule the World” and “Can You do that for Me?”), are drowned out by the other noise.
Much fuss has been made over the special effects, which include projection screens in place of some scenic elements, balls of fire erupting from the stage, and even a treatment of the parting of the red (Plexiglas) sea. But though they are perhaps the most impressive part of this lackluster musical, fire and explosions can’t distract the audience from poor content for long.
As for the choreography, we would have expected more from Travis Payne, the man who brought us the delightful Gap “Khaki’s Swing” commercial, but as Payne’s resume also includes choreography for the likes of Jessica Simpson, Enrique Iglesias and Sean “P Diddy” Combs, it hardly came as a surprise. “The Bedouin Dance” in Act I was passable, but the Act II opener “Light of a New Day” and, especially, “Land of Milk and Honey” were grating.
And “Land of Milk and Honey” cannot escape without further comment. The single most obnoxious and, moreover, uncomfortable sequence in “Ten Commandments” came during this song in the final scene. Picture this: The Hebrews have left Egypt. They are in the desert. They are bored. Moses is off getting his tablets engraved. So what do the Hebrews do? Why, they have an orgy, of course.
The requisite orgy scene is fashionable in new musicals. But whereas those in “Rent” and “Movin’ Out” seem, if unsettling, at least somewhat called for, there was no excusing this 10-minute display of every sort of fornication the Apostles could have thought to condemn. In this show, it’s not artistic – it just leaves the audience feeling dirty.
In fact, to avoid general feelings of dirtiness, or just buyer’s remorse, skip the show altogether. See “Jesus Christ Superstar” if it’s in town, or just go to Religion 101 – either way, it’s guaranteed to be a more enjoyable experience.
1 Star
10-28-2004
