Lindsey Boerma
Perspectives Editor
It’s official — caffeine intoxication is now a documented clinical disease. College students, beware.
For a generation in which the combination of sugar and Ritalin is considered sufficient for a balanced and healthy lifestyle, the susceptibility to this disorder is not nearly as rare as it should be.
As the youngest of three siblings by a 15-year margin, I grew up the default victim of countless “when I was your age” homilies. Among the most recurrent was an anecdote narrating the one can of generic-brand root beer allocated to each of my brothers just once per week.
This embittered assertion was typically chronicled in response to my frequent indulgence of sodas like Mountain Dew, or, at the height of the 1990s, the “Dew’s” hardcore rival, Surge.
It was the dawn of the era of caffeinated beverages, and now, as I look back on my brothers’ condescendence of those drinks, each packed with a mere 55 milligrams of caffeine, I wonder what they would say to my current intake habit, which, on a daily basis, averages nearly 12 times that amount.
Like the fulfillment of an unspoken university prerequisite, my body made the resolute decision upon entering college that caffeinated soft drinks would no longer suffice as its primary source of vitality. Hence began the incessant torrent of venti Starbucks double shots and Rockstar energy drinks.
My peace of mind came with the affirmation that the fellow afflicted surrounded me.
A 2007 survey of about 500 college students revealed that 51 percent admitted to consuming at least one energy drink in the past month, according to a Sept. 25 article in the New York Times. Now, the world is out to revoke our poison.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, along with the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases, has listed caffeine inebriation as a critical syndrome linked to symptoms that could potentially result in death. Caffeine researchers from John Hopkins University are recommending that warning labels be placed on drinks with intense amounts of the stimulant.
There is no chord that strikes such an acrimonious note as one that mocks the fuel a vehicle requires to get where it is obligated to go. The classification of caffeinated beverages as warranting severe caution seems like a jab at one of the chief methods for handling the pressuring demands of modern college life.
Shrewd allegories aside, however, it would be a taxing chore to dispute the logic of suggesting customers approach caffeine consumption carefully. True, expectations for college students are escalating constantly, but the dexterity of caffeine makes it easy to ignore healthier and more long-term options for making it through the day.
Just as a “dry clean only” tag on a sweater causes the owner at least a moment’s hesitation before flinging it into the washing machine, a caffeine warning label, at minimum, would trigger an awareness of the product’s risks.
When I wake up tomorrow morning, I will not falter before pouring myself multiple cups of coffee, stocking my backpack with a few Red Bulls and making a pit stop at the too-convenient Starbucks down the street to finalize the alertness level that I know will endure for only a few hours.
I mean this not to emphasize my own hypocrisy, but to illustrate the dangerous apathy resultant of the inherent human misconception of indestructibility.
Caffeine is a drug, and while the recovery process may wane in comparison to the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is still admittance, as facilitated by awareness. So, here goes — “Hello, my name is Lindsey, and I am a caffeine addict.”
10-02-2008