By Kyle Jorrey
Sports Editor
After nearly 21 years of human existence, I’ve come to learn many important lessons — and very few of them were obtained inside the classroom.
Not to take away from the age old institution that is the American public school system, but really, I still haven’t found an application for my extensive knowledge of the periodic table, and the last time my four years of reading Shakespeare came in handy was during a futile attempt at impressing an attractive theater major two dorms down.
No, the majority of what I’ve learned has come to me during the daily grind of life, either driving in my car, walking down the street, or posted up on a couch like Al Bundy.
Television, no matter what its enemies will say, is a learning tool. It teaches us all that if we are to stop the sharp decline of human society, we must take notes from our television counterparts.
These include professional athletes, who today are a lot like actors themselves — only they run a lot more, face constant risk of injury, and don’t get involved in national politics. And they have no better stage than the NFL Playoffs, which each year proves to be the best show in professional sports. So after an extensive two-week course that annoyingly butted heads with the start of the new semester, here are some of the more poignant pieces to remember in life.
First of all, never describe a group of large, muscular men as having “finesse.”
The No. 1-rated Tampa Bay Buccaneer defense has been called a lot of things this year, but none of those descriptions included the word “finesse.” That was until second-string San Francisco 49er running back Kevan Barlow said it just one week before their second round playoff game. Great idea, why not just come out and call them “delicate” and “soft” while you’re at it.
The Bucs repaid Barlow for his statement by pasting the 49ers 31-6 and holding their offense to a season-low 228 yards. In a game that was almost painful to watch, Barlow managed only seven yards on three carries. I guess it was their finesse.
Secondly, don’t forget those that came before you.
After two straight months of hearing praises for the Atlanta Falcons quarterback Mike Vick, Donovan McNabb and Steve McNair returned to action to remind the kid that they’ve “been doin’ it for years.”
The two more experienced, but less newsworthy pros put on nearly flawless performances, both in passing and running the football, in leading their respective teams to second round victories. This included McNabb’s 20-6 victory over Vick, which was only his first game back since breaking his ankle early in the season.
And finally — never, ever, become a NFL referee.
In what will be remembered as one of the most controversial NFL playoffs, the league’s referees showed all the world why theirs is still one of the most hated professions, just behind lawyers and traffic cops.
It’s one thing to blow a call; it’s a completely different thing to blow the last call of the game – twice in two weeks. Never has it been so bad for those who don the Foot Locker uniform.
January 16, 2003