Love. It is a term with which we have become all too familiar. One could incorporate the expression of love to dear and near relatives and yet could simultaneously apply the phrase to a mere appreciation for ice cream. With today’s countless connotations of what love really is it would be difficult to apply an absolute definition to the tremendously broad understanding of it.
Still society has consistently considered the concept of “falling in love” to be a vital element of that experience. Distinguished author Dr. M. Scott Peck has invested a great amount of time in the study of the social and interpersonal phenomenon of “falling in love.” The results are an array of misperceived presuppositions of the stages of falling in love and a review of what in actuality a human faces throughout that time. Peck displays a reality that many people would rather not confront: the reality of the many misconceptions of “falling in love.”
Peck describes this time as a simple “bloom of romance” which is inevitably temporary no matter how powerfully potent one’s feelings are for another. There are several problems that humanity knowingly or unknowingly tends to face when participating in this occurrence issues that serve to disillusion the pair and their connection.
First the root of the growth of the relationship is either consciously or unconsciously driven by sexual motives. Many would like to disagree with this notion asserting that the character of the partner develops such growth.
However whether one realizes it or not initial physical attraction— the stepping-stone to “falling in love”— is a genetically motivated sexual gravitation toward another individual. The extent to which an individual would have such sexual desires fulfilled varies but its foundational existence does not.
The next issue seen in this popularized falling in love experience is that it is invariably impermanent. No matter how much a couple would like to hope to hold onto their “falling in love” phase this feeling of ecstatic lovingness shall pass sooner or later. This is not to say love comes to an abrupt halt but simply that the fiery infatuation that commenced the couple’s beginnings will inevitably fade as time passes.
Another dilemma Peck points out is that a pair’s motive for affiliation represents “childish wishes to merge and eliminate feelings of existential aloneness.” Interpersonal interaction is a part of all humankind after all. That is how each person came into existence. So it should come as no surprise that the concern of living life alone is a large portion of what drives humanity to be a part of an intimate relationship. Of course there are many other reasons as to why people share intimacy with one another but one of the most primitively pragmatic causes of the initiation of a relationship and the disillusion of falling in love is this fear factor.
These components of conflict are the overall cause of disappoint when facing the falling in love phenomenon. Prominent social psychologist Erich Fromm describes the impression of love as an art not a fleeting feeling but rather a practice at which to become skilled. It is a way in which humans connect with another not a relative and often deceptive emotion. People who possess this art show love which Fromm characterizes as involving respect care knowledge and responsibility not just to the “desired” other but universally. Additionally Peck emphasizes that the existence of genuine love is built and tested over time.
And above all authentic love repels childish fears of aloneness but rather encourages the establishment of two distinct individuals sharing in the connection of humanity. It not only promotes individual growth but also will ensure such growth even to the extent of allowing separation and the possibility of loss all together. Such love solidifies sincerity; such love sustains.