Hey Waves,
In recent years, discussions regarding “the loneliness epidemic” seem to be pervasive. A combination of social media’s rise, a global pandemic and hyper-individualism has cultivated tension in even the simplest of communications.
Established friendships are affected by rising anxieties about images and impressions. Long-term relationships are developed on a strict schedule, and phone calls made without a warning are practically a breach of etiquette.
This is not always a bad thing, as it is important to respect and value others’ time, as well as be intentional about one’s own. However, there may be a lot of value in encouraging a little more spontaneity, both personally and in friendships.
Offering to make plans spur-of-the-moment, or calling to quickly check in on old friends, may dissolve certain fears on either side of a relationship. Instead of preemptively protecting oneself from seeming “too much” or burdensome, it may be more generous to extend love and support without waiting for an invitation.
If nobody is willing to be the first to reach out, of course loneliness will continue to be a problem. Community is reciprocal, and a community that is completely reliant on careful planning and image maintenance cannot be a fully supportive one.
This is not universally applicable advice, and it is certainly important to have boundaries with close friends. However, I think loneliness can be countered by greater openness to other people, and both potential and established friendships are diminished by an excessive focus on what could go wrong.
With care,
___________________
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Contact Alyssa Johnson via email: alyssa.johnson@pepperdine.edu