I know you are, but what am I?
Jenny Yang
Staff Writer
Debates, shabates.
As November looms in the very near future, the showdowns have officially begun. Kerry and Bush battled it out last week with the only outcome being some mild rule infractions and a few contorted facial expressions. What’s with that? I wanted to see some head-on bashing — literally. Think celebrity death match.
Part of me wishes they would boil these confrontations down to their simplest form. I’m talking about a good, old-fashioned contest. Round 1: arm wrestling. Round 2: thumb wars. Round 3: Mountain Dew chugging. These will be the physical components. Then, just when they have fallen into a lull, BAM — hit ‘em with the ultimate brain strain, allowing them to fight mentally: Jeopardy! Now that would be something worth my vote. The glove slapping would be entertainment enough.
In the midst of the swordplay, don’t fool yourself into thinking that this presidential hooplah is the only important challenge taking place. Let’s move on to Elton John versus Madonna. These two blasts from the past just won’t fade out … but then again, would we really want them to? The singer, John, recently attacked the saint, Madonna, accusing her of lip-synching while on tour. Ouch. Burn. He should have just thrown in the dreaded B-Word (Britney).
She managed to shake it off and talked about sending him a Christmas card, which I didn’t get. The new Esther just isn’t the old Madonna who we once knew and loved. Maybe they should let their lyrics do the fighting: “Tiny Dancer” versus “Material Girl.” Nevermind. That just scares me.
Next battle: Ugg boots versus trucker hats. This column seems to be going downhill fast — I apologize. Still, I have a point here that needs to be made, and I’ll make it quick.
Every year I hope that the boots paired with skirts will end, yet it never does. It’s a plague … locusts might as well descend from the sky. Yet trucker hats lasted for a mere blink of an eye. It did it’s time and was released from it’s cell. I’m about to picket: “Free the Uggs,” only I don’t think I have enough passion for that.
Here on campus, there seems to be another skirmish on the brink of eruption: the sick versus the healthy. AKA: the CCB versus everyone else. How is it that the main campuses have managed to escape the cloud of disease that has settled over the CCB? Up here, people are hacking up lungs, among other vital organs, while the rest of the school is blissfully ignorant.
If you don’t have classes in the CCB, you might be thinking that you know some people who are sick down on main campus. I’ll let you have that first punch. But, the statistics don’t lie. One in three people are afflicted in the CCB (according to my recent and unofficial survey). So take that. If you’re feeling left out, join in. It might not be mono going around, but we should let another virus be the kissing disease for once. Maybe we can stop the segregation and be united as one through the common cold. That, or we could all just go get flu shots (there’s a nationwide shortage by the way, so you should get it while it’s hot).
All this feuding makes me thirsty. Thirsty for blood, that is. Let’s face it, who didn’t circle up on the playground when the word got out that the class bullies were about to go at it? Who didn’t chant: “fight! fight! fight!” in a high-pitched voice as the mob of 20 second-graders took over your soul? Deep down, we’re still in that same mob. We all want to see some action. Too bad we have to act like civilized adults. So, bring on the next debate. But they should keep in mind that whomever can eat the most $6 burgers has my vote.
Want to fight with me… mentally?
E-mail me: Jennifer.L.Yang@pepperdine.edu
10-07-2004