Almost 80 years ago, a man by the name of Dale Carnegie wrote a book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Still today, the work is widely read and understood as one of the most insightful books concerning interpersonal relationships. Inspired by the widespread appeal, I have decided to write a sequel, curtailed to meet the specifications of the Pepperdine community. So here goes the first installment of, “How to Win Friends and Influence People at Pepperdine.” Today, we will be exploring one of the most common interactions at Pepperdine, the “stop and chat.”
How you handle the stop and chat will determine your standing on campus as either a scummy social pariah or a golden god of social manipulation.
For those of you who don’t know, a “stop and chat” is a situation in which you are walking toward some destination when suddenly you are confronted with the possibility of having to stop en route and chat with somebody. Now, as a general rule, I look down wherever I walk to avoid all stop and chats as I think they are the bane of human interaction. But if you are worried about public perception, then here are some tips on how to expedite the process.
Personally, I’ve tried everything —iPods, cigarettes, significant periods of time without bathing, but the fact remains that some people will stop to chat regardless of what you do.
First, you need to catch their attention right off the bat from a considerable distance. The longer you wait, the more control you are putting in the hands of another person, and soon enough, you’re having a 20-minute conversation about God-knows-what. Now, in getting their attention, I like to throw up the peace sign. Clearly, it demonstrates your inherent coolness and gives you the option to keep on chugging or to stop for a quick word. I’m going to assume that since you’re walking somewhere, you’re not looking to play catch-up, so I recommend just stating a fact about the other person or the current state of affairs. It is really important that you don’t try to get too fancy and deviate from strict factual statements. You might catch yourself in a real corner.
For example, Person X is walking towards me. Damn — eye contact. OK, you can do this. With your most authentic attempt at a smile, turn and say “Hey! You’re wearing a purple blouse!” or “This Malibu wind is killing me!” Either one of those is going to do the trick. You see, you have now acknowledged their presence, made a coherent statement, and you should be set up to keep moving right along.
Now, generally speaking, your comment should be specific enough as not to warrant any sort of response. On the occasion that they decide to add a rejoinder like, “So how’s your semester going?” I just look to my watch and say, “Oh no! I got to get to the TCC in five minutes.” Don’t worry. Nobody knows what exactly the TCC is, and you’re sure to be absolved from any further interaction.
There are times when an extended “stop and chat” looks simply unavoidable. Say you’re walking down lower dorm road and you see a gaggle of laypersons you wish to avoid. One commonly overlooked facet of Pepperdine’s campus is the unexplored land through which you can travel. Just because the roads are paved doesn’t mean they are the only means of viable transportation. Perhaps you just bite the bullet and surrender to a half-hour conversation-turned-prayer circle, but I’d recommend taking the road less traveled. In this case, you quickly dart right behind Banowsky. You’ll have to trek some rocky terrain and forge your way through a few deciduous forests, but it sure as hell beats talking to those people. In fact, the only interaction you’ll have to worry about is squeezing by that pack of deer on your way by Pengilly.
Now I’m sure there are some people reading this that might be thinking, “Wow, that’s a little dark and twisted all just to avoid a few little words.” To this point, I concede, and I respond by begging you to stop driving me to such exhaustive lengths to avoid you.
