ASHLYEE HICKMAN
Living Editor
It crept on us with the stealth of a ninja. The power of its grasp leaves what some spend so much time sculpting. It is the fog. There’s really nothing good about it. Sure it provides nutrients to foliage and possibly serves as an air purifier, but that does not excuse the fact that it holds the irrevocable power to render even the best hair day on its back. Elaborate curls become limp as noodles. The spikiest of hairs fall back with its contact. The fog serves as the sure-fire way to turn happy hair into tangly tendrils of torment. Its omnipresence makes it impossible to escape— well, almost. Here are tips for preventing this crouching tiger to unleash the hidden dragon in your hair.
Step One: Cover it
Remember to protect the hair at all costs. Here’s what you do: Secure your hair in a shower cap; if that’s not available, use Saran Wrap. Next, tie a shirt around your head to keep it warm and use the hood of a sweatshirt to keep it all in place. Sure it may seem a bit drastic but see who gets the last laugh when your coif is absolutely frizz-free.
Step Two: Slick it
And slick it good. Behold the power of hair products. Gather $5, head to CVS Pharmacy and lasso up the best looking hair product. Then apply liberally, creating a force field so strong that not even the thickest vapor may penetrate. Sit back and enjoy the ride, friends. Walk confidently knowing that your ‘do will not be defiled and your fro will not fall. Not to mention, your hair will smell like a fruit stand.
Step Three: Get low
Fog travels on the high road so avoid it by keeping a low profile. Literally. Slithering to class will not be necessary, just make an effort to crouch. Sure you may get weird looks at first but not if every one is crouching with you: start a trend. Use this time t be a vanguard of this great campus. That way the experience won’t be so awkward. So crouch away, and crouch proudly. This gets you away from the fog and, bonus, gives you great thighs.
Step Four: Stay inside
Outside is practically overrated. One can reap all the by simply staying in the CCB. You’ve got classes, food courtesy of Café Fresca, computers for the Facebook fix and reading material galore. There’s even a shower— no exit required. Or stay on main campus. If need be sprint briskly in Elkins or the CAC when it’s time for class. Other than that head into the Sandbar and lounge the day away with on the couch watching the big screen: universal remote required.
Step Five: Reach the cutting edge
If these tactics simply don’t cut it or if the fog is just too sharp of an opponent there is only one thing that makes sense— pull a Britney. Seriously, cut it all off. Well, at least ten inches. Locks of Love is March 26-27. Have a professional fog-proof your hair with a few snips here and there. All the hair will be used toward making wigs for children who have lost their hair due to cancer. Sheared beauty never looked so good.
03-22-2007
