LINDSEY BOERMA
Living Assistant
Sticky situations — we have all experienced them. They are constituted by doing or saying something that leaves mouths agape and heads shaking in dismay. In other words, they are awkward moments at their best. Fortunately, there are ways to finagle out of these unbearable situations and perhaps even save some face. So pay attention and do not do anything awkward until after you read this. Trust me — it could be a social lifesaver.
STEP ONE: Mumble incoherently
The first thing to try after saying something that you immediately regret is trail off until no one even remembers the insulting or plainly uncomfortable comment that was uttered. Babble about absolutely anything at all until the people around you are more concerned with your mental stability than what you just said. That way, if people become accusatory, you can pretend that you have no idea what they are talking about and no one will question it. After all, it is better to be thought of as crazy than rude.
STEP TWO: Hurry: Subject Change
Even if step one is enough to lift the weight of embarrassment off your shoulders, there will undoubtedly remain a slight feeling of awkwardness within this halt of conversation. If so, the next thing to do is to move on to a new topic as fast as possible. But remember — keep it safe.
Some subjects that will keep you out of trouble include the following: the weather, Bichon Frises or even Bob Barker. Refer to the these topics if ever in need of a quick fix.
STEP THREE: Buttering up time
Sometimes the best thing to do in an awkward situation is stick to good old-fashioned kissing up. For example, when you make that joke about the blind puppy with one leg only to find out that the owner of that very kind of animal is lurking behind you, instantly proclaim your love for all furry canines — especially those oh-so-special one-legged ones.
Or, better yet, compliment the plaid loafers that the owner is wearing and ask where you can get a snazzy fashion statement like that for yourself. Go on and on, gushing about virtually everything that could possibly be said about that person, and the individual will be so busy making you a best friend bracelet that he or she will not have time to be offended.
STEP FOUR: Look the part
In my experience, this is the step that never fails. If you do not possess the highly coveted social skill of thinking before acting, then hopefully you at least have some charm. As soon as you realize you have said or done the wrong thing, flip that charismatic switch.
Bat your eyelashes. Smile until your cheeks hurt. Bring back your childlike mannerisms. Do whatever it is that highlights your cuteness and advertise it until whomever you just left lingering in the awkward moment can no longer resist your innocence. No one can blame a three-year-old for saying something insulting. So, close your eyes, click your heels together, say “there’s no place like my childhood nursery” and you are set to go.
STEP FIVE: Deny, Deny, DEny
What do you think I said? Oh, I am sorry — you are mistaken. What I actually said was (fill in the blank).
Memorizing those lines could be crucial to the avoidance of a potentially sticky situation. Do not think of it as a lie, but rather a slight lapse in memory. Temporarily blanking out about what you just said or did is completely natural, so do not feel bad. After all, you are only human.
11-09-2006
