MARY WISNIEWSKI
Assistant Living Editor
At times, students may feel the need to go to class, and for the extra industrious, even want to get there on time. This is not exactly a natural feeling and suggests a possible case of OCD — think Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets.” All the same, it holds true for some. New beginnings breed new responsibility. Perhaps you want to graduate on time and prefer not to be bumped off the class roster for not showing up.
For these few and the select others who just want to have a good seat, here are some tips on how to make it to class on time. Well, relatively on time.
STEP ONE: Enroll in late classes
Although a class late in the day does not assure getting there on time, it is certainly an easier feat to accomplish when compared to waking up for the dismal 8 a.m. class. You are already awake in the afternoon, hopefully, so it is not a matter of waking up but a matter of moving. Understandably, this can be difficult at times too.
If there is no way to avoid the morning lecture, sleep in the classroom the night before. It guarantees not only will you physically be in class, but you will also show up on time too. Be prepared for people to talk about this — not everyone understands a person’s habits, but that is OK. Some of the most interesting people are misunderstood.
STEP TWO: Never skip on caffeine
Some people may save time by not stopping at Diedrich Coffee or going to the HAWC for caffeine, but this is not highly recommended. In fact, it is not recommended at all. Skip out on showering, skip out on studying but never skip out on caffeine. It will not only ruin your day but quite possibly ruin your life too.
STEP THREE: Learn how to parallel park
Although not speaking from personal experience, the word on the street is being able to parallel park is a helpful skill in getting to class on time. Not only will this ability prevent you from colliding with other cars on campus because you know how to park, but the spot could possibly be closer to class too.
For those without a car, taking the shuttle is only recommended if you are fast enough to catch the one before class starts. Obviously otherwise it is pointless.
As Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters used to say, “You’re either on the bus or you’re off the bus.” If you are one of the unlucky “off” ones, execute step four.
STEP FOUR: Learn to use your thumb
Hitchhiking always worked in the 60s and 70s, so why not now? Pepperdine may not be the peace train, but there are plenty of nice people here even without Cat Stevens as a ringleader. Rides will be given — just ask.
STEP FIVE: Send a body double
Celebrities have body doubles, so why shouldn’t Pepperdine students? Even though you may not be a celebrity, actors surround you in Malibu. That should be good enough in order to receive special treatment like Kevin Federline gets.
It is also very important to make sure your body double is prompt to class and somewhat resembles you. Meaning by this, if you are male, make sure the body double is male too. Having the same gender counts for a lot. It is also essential to pick out the right professors. Try to get the ones with bad eyesight or at least ones who tend to be tardy too.
For extra tips on getting to class on time, just watch old episodes of “Saved By the Bell.” Zach Morris certainly knew a thing or two besides just hair maintenance.
09-14-2006
