Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of an advice column based on new topics and rotating writers each time. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
Growing up, I always associated hospitality with grand, elaborate gestures. The word “hospitality” was, in my mind, directly related to a person’s ability to throw a good party.
Because I am fairly reserved, not one for parties and a little unenthusiastic in general, I have never considered myself a hospitable person. Politeness and compassion have always been important to me, but more overt gestures of love are more difficult.
However, I have recently begun to notice hospitality from loved ones that doesn’t look like the traditional image I’ve always experienced. Generosity does not always come in the form of something tangible: sometimes it is so subtle it can go unnoticed.
My best friends, for example, are very active listeners in addition to being extremely honest people. They advocate for themselves and others at every step and their actions consistently reflect their words.
They understand their limits, admit to their mistakes and are committed to maintaining compassion for those who need it. I also find that they tend to ask others what they need, just in case their assumptions are wrong.
Generosity is also not limited to friends. When I was young, I had trouble making eye contact and speaking clearly and my mother was very persistent in helping me make others feel acknowledged.
She would have me practice wishing passersby a good morning as we walked somewhere, and in the ways that I can, I have taken her advice to heart. While I still find eye contact difficult, I always try to smile at people and let them know I’m glad to see them and I’m glad they’re alive.
It is cliche to recommend random acts of kindness, but I think it is important to take into account what kindness looks like on an individual level.
Some people may use gifts and compliments to make others feel loved, while others involve themselves in community service.
Sometimes all a person can do is hold the door for somebody else. All acts of generosity are valuable.
Hospitality is the simple acknowledgment of other people’s humanity and that acknowledgment goes beyond kindness. It can be creative and unconventional, and sometimes it looks like tough love, vulnerability with others or the courage to ask questions.
Many people, neighbors and strangers alike, are living in difficult times. Now especially, it is imperative that the human family leans into its better instincts.
With care,
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