Last weekend I trekked out to the Camarillo Outlets, the mecca for deal hunters and Asian tourists. But this time was the same as every shopping trip. I start out full of optimism, with delusions of finding perfectly fitting jeans, on sale no less. But after finding nothing but frustration in the first round of stores, I spend the rest of the day cross, making snide comments about the friendly salespeople in my head.
Who actually enjoys squishing into a claustrophobia-inducing, mirrored room to try on a pile of stiff clothes and repeatedly judge variations on her physical appearance by an arbitrarily defined, constantly changing standard of style? And then there’s the awkward moment of handing the dressing room attendant the rumpled mess of what-was-I-thinkings, in my case usually accompanied by profuse apologies that I’m not buying anything and have wasted the attendant’s time. I then exit the store as discreetly as possible, with my head down to avoid making eye contact with the greeter.
Viewed from a self-improvement standpoint, though, a day at the outlet mall is a perfect opportunity to practice patience and self-control. Here are some strategies to make the most of this opportunity while avoiding a mental breakdown in J. Crew.
Our first lesson is that universally applicable Boy Scout motto, “Always be prepared.” It’s important to prepare mentally before crossing the threshold of a single store. Set your expectations at a reasonable level so you can maintain a calm, controlled attitude all day. Planning to replace your entire closet with one trip is setting yourself up for failure. Also, remember that your worth is not tied to your ability to find shoes that make your feet look slim but not disproportionately long. Come up with a mantra to remind yourself of this for the moments when you are approaching the brink of tears in Nine West.
Self-control is also handy for the moment when you are caught in behind the slow-as-molasses shopper standing in front of the only rack of the sale section with items in your size and blocking any alternate routes. Your instinct may be to flatly inform her that she’s causing a fire hazard or that the blouse she’s been considering for ages really isn’t her color. This would be rude and would not actually make you feel any better, so hold your tongue and get excited about being patient.
When I’m having trouble with patience, I find it can be helpful to distract my mind with another activity. In this case you could make up a nice story about the woman in your way: Maybe she is taking a weekend off from her life as a nearly blind nun who knits socks for children in the Third World. Her hypothetically bad eyesight explains why it isn’t her color and why she has been evaluating it so painstakingly. It also makes you feel some compassion for her. You’ll be patient in no time.
Or, try to find the humor in the situation. My source of comic relief is the poor men who have been coerced into spending the day following their girlfriends or wives around and answering inane questions about which sweater dress will be more appropriate for work. They look like they are having a worse time than I am.
Just as effective as visualization is to allow all of your negative emotions to be overcome by guilt — the guilt that comes from realizing that you are whining about the tiny sizing on designer jeans while children in the Third World have nothing but misshapen socks knitted by a blind nun.
If none of these strategies work, there is a Target on the way home. Stop and get a package of cookies to break into on the drive back to Malibu. Soothing your troubles with Pepperidge Farm never goes out of style.
