Conspiracy theorists surviving ancient Mayans and small sections of the gullible populace believe that the world will come crashing to a terrible Michael Bay movie-type end in 2012. I disagree— for several reasons.
First of all many scholars say Jesus was born in the year 4 so doesn’t that make this technically 2014 (just accept my logic; it is perfect). But more importantly even if we really are in 2010 I think it’s obvious that the world will end a lot sooner than 2012. Think about it. Dec. 21 2012 is more than two-and-a-half years away. The world could come to millions of nasty ends before the Mayan Armageddon rolls around.
Here are just a few reasons the world will not make it to its 2012 family reunion with the rest of the universe.
Threat number one: James Cameron. In an effort to defy the Academy who passed him over for Best Director for “Avatar Cameron will attempt to make Avatar 2” in 4-D. He will succeed but in the process accidently cause a rift in the space-time continuum.
Second is the date 11/11/11. The world will end at 11:11:11 a.m. on 11/11/11 simply by virtue of the fact that it is a much cooler time for the world to end than Dec. 21 2012.
Third the “Spiderman” revamp is due to come out in 2012. And God is not cruel enough to make us stick around.
Fourth? Disaster movies. One day soon the Earth will get tired of us obsessively watching movies of it being destroyed— such as “2012 Day After Tomorrow etc.— and blow itself up just to spite us.
Fifth— toxic waste. A bizarre mix of chemicals and radiation will leak into the water supply causing a species of giant man-eating cockroaches to develop and devour mankind.
And sixth, World War III. These are troubled economic times. We have a democratic president who has decided to fix the problem by expanding government services and programs. Last time this occurred in history, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. This time, the French will attack Nebraska and we’ll have no choice but to retaliate, causing a nuclear Armageddon.
But in all seriousness, whether the world ends today or in 2012, we won’t be able to guess when it happens. The thing that’s most likely to happen Dec. 21, 2012, is that a bunch of people will get drunk and commit crimes. But I’m pretty sure we can handle it. After all, we all lived through Y2K, where thousands of paranoid families filled bathtubs with nonperishable food items in preparation for the world’s end.
Personally, I would prefer that the world not end anytime soon. 2012 is a little too early for me. I’d like to have time to fulfill my lifelong ambition of becoming either an astronaut or a door-to-door bumper sticker salesman. I think 2090 would be a good year for Armageddon.
