Derek Sedam
Assistant Online Editor
With the paper taking a few weeks off, I was assigned the duty of handing out some mid-term grades for each team taking action in the fall. Sadly, I haven’t attended any games. So, the grades I hand out will be just as absurd as the doctorate Lou Holtz received in football.
Men’s Water Polo: I must admit, I’m not a big water polo fan. Sure, I love getting a tan out on the lawn, but I have yet to attend a game this year. Instead, I want to talk about something closer to my interests — cheerleaders.
The University of Idaho is in shambles, people. Not only is the state shaped like a giant foam “Were No.-1” finger, but its flagship school’s football program can’t seem to grasp the idea of winning. And, apparently the cheerleading outfits for the Vandal’s blond and brunette squad were deemed “too revealing” from the Vandal faithful. Soon enough, those uniforms magically turned into football jerseys. The coach quit, the girls were suddenly sports blog stars and a nation of potato-growers can’t wait for the team’s next loss and the cheerleader’s new uniforms. I have a previous “intimate associate” on the cheerleading squad, and what she has experienced is nothing short of a public relations nightmare. She even had to go through “media coaching,” as she called it, for the squad’s upcoming home game Saturday, because almost every sports media outlet will be there just to report on the new uniform.
Needless to say, our water polo team is No. 4 in the nation, and they host Harvard this weekend. So, expect a lot of argyle in the stands.
Grade: Wet, with a forecast for chlorine-bleached hair.
Women’s Soccer: In my column a couple of weeks ago, I desperately wanted to call out the women’s soccer team. But, as a journalist, is it right to criticize amateur athletes? It’s a tough thing for a college columnist to worry about.
So, I won’t call out the underachieving team as a whole (4-5-2), but will let you know that senior defender Kelsey Baker knows defense. She spared Tommy Raymond, my friend Ryan and I from getting our teeth knocked in by her high school friends at a party last winter break. Waves don’t let Waves get jumped.
With my pearly whites still intact, I plan on being at the next home game and getting all crazy up in Rokus Field, like a Will Smith music video. So, I guess it will be somewhat subtle.
Look, the team has picked it up after a start of which even a Walberg-era basketball team would be proud. When comparing the two teams, the women have nothing to get flustered about. Fourteen points in 11 games is barely above the stench of mediocrity, but above nonetheless.
Grade: The strange guy staring at me in the back corner of Starbucks shouted B-, so we’ll go with that to please him.
Women’s Volleyball: Did anyone else catch “Magic: The Gathering” fever back in elementary school? The fantasy card game was destined for big things. It’s a shame Pokémon caught fire around the same time, and my blue wizards and red spells that I spent so much money on were rendered useless against some cuddly yellow creature. I remember my friend Tyler, whom I played with. Man, that kid could lay down some serious Magic. Although not skilled athletically in any shape or form, he won all the local tournaments and took pride in having the most revered card — the black lotus.
Our No.-15 women’s volleyball team is like those Magic playing nerds of yesterday — deadly at their craft, but not getting any respect from the popular kids at recess when it’s time for four-square. They have the black lotus in Julie Rubenstein and are one match away from being 13-0, the best start in school history. Geek it out girls.
Grade: An athletic Napoleon Dynamite, but with perfectly well-conditioned hair.
10-02-2008
