By Kyle Jorrey
Sports Editor
Thank goodness for the return of the NBA.
How did we survive without it?
What, without my daily supply of cornrows, sneaker commercials and Bill Walton wisdom, I don’t know how I ever got by.
In less than one week, the showcase of NBA highlights and stories have been so intriguing they sparsely resemble a popular Broadway performance. Complete with all the characters, conflict and confusion that make a show great; here are the NBA dramas:
The Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings as the Jets and the Sharks from the “Westside Story.” I guess you could say the Lakers took it a little bit personal when the Kings said the refs “gave” them last year’s Western Conference Finals. And it couldn’t have helped that Vlade Divac helped publish a story in Sports Illustrated in the offseason on how to defend Shaquille O’Neal. Good thinking, Vlade.
O’Neal and his hurting big toe showed his appreciation for the article by taking a swing at the cigarette-sucking Croatian during a pre-season brawl with the Kings. It happened after Pepperdine alumnus Doug Christie and part-time actor/Laker forward Rick Fox, two of the NBA’s least-intimidating characters, went at it on the court and in the lockeroom. The scene was more like a televised professional wrestling event than a basketball game, minus the big muscles and a metal folding chair. And this was just the pre-season.
Michael Jordan as Willy Loman from the “Death of a Salesman.” It was hard not to cringe at the sight of the NBA’s greatest player and his once superhuman jumping ability showing signs of 39 years of aging. In addition to a missed dunk, once an improbable concept for MJ, “His Airness” went 4-14 from the field, had two turnovers and scored just eight points during his 25 minutes against the Toronto Raptors in the season opener.
It got so bad that the fans in Toronto were even laughing at Jordan, who five years ago probably could have taken the entire country of Canada in a game of hoop. Jordan fans and supporters (like myself) are starting to realize it may be time for No. 23 to hang up his Nikes, again.
Chinese import and No. 1 draft pick Yao Ming as Don Quixote from “Man of La Mancha.” While the 7’6” Ming may not be jousting with windmills, he sure looks pretty confused out there. The highly touted rookie is finding out for himself what it’s like to play in a league where it takes more than inches to be a good player.
After years of slam dunking on the heads of guys the size of Jackie Chang, Ming is getting tugged around by the NBA’s biggest and baddest like one of those dragons at Chinese New Year. Averaging just 3.3 points and 4.3 rebounds per game, the game’s tallest player better shape up or suffer the same fates as Shawn “Stormin’ Mormon” Bradley and Manute “Why didn’t I learn to” Bol.
And finally, Shawn Kemp in “Guys and Dolls and Fastfood.” Yeah, I know that was never a Broadway play, but it should be. Once one of NBA’s most dangerous scorers, Kemp, who now plays in Orlando, seems more of a danger to a 12-inch hoagie than to an opposing defense.
At just a shade under 300 pounds, Kemp is playing in his 13th and hopefully last NBA season. It’s time for the former All-Star and gold-medalist to step away from the game and the buffet line.
Oh yeah, the NBA is back, and it’s better than ever.
—Got any good NBA drama? E-mail Kyle Jorrey at kyle.jorrey@pepperdine.edu
November 07, 2002