Daniel Johnson
Art Editor
I have a very distinct fashion sense. I don’t claim to know exactly what looks cool, I have no experience, I have not been to design school, I have never read a fashion magazine and I have never looked at clothes when I see a runway model. But I still claim to have my own unique style that I think is pretty cool, and I have a few suggestions for the fashionably conscious.
I have a few requests for what I want to happen in the next fashion revolution. I would like the trend of women wearing less to continue unabated (there is no fashionable reason — this suggestion is of purely selfish intent). I would like fashion to lean toward tacky items easily procured from a parent or sketchy uncle. But most importantly the point of this whole foray into fashion — hats and belts.
I like hats. I think that there should be many more of them. I wholeheartedly believe in the revival of the fedora (the hat that Dick Tracy and every private investigator stereotype wears). Also I find the Scottish golfing hat to have much appeal.
So our society decides that they are going to bring back a hat for a spell and of course it chooses the most stupid hat since Carmen Miranda’s fruit cup on her head. Of all the hats our generation has reinstated, the trucker hat was an awful choice (although it is still better than no hat at all). I would have rather brought back the fez, or even the sombrero would have been a better choice.
People should wear more cool hats. Why? Because hair is so difficult. Unless you have dreadlocks or sport the greaser style, hair maintenance is a significant waste of time. Washing, combing, curling, spiking — all of it is worthless. Many frustrated individuals would pursue the neo-Nazi, GI Jane, Sinéad O’Connor–look before even considering the appealing options of hats.
Dealing with men — how often do you give or receive a compliment about your hair with another man? The answer is that men simply don’t place much importance on one’s hair (although we feign interest in women’s hair). But if you have got yourself a sweet hat on, how many guys will pass your way and throw you a: “Sweet hat,” “Like the headgear,” or “Bon chapeau.” Bottom line, compliments vastly increase when wearing a nifty hat especially in comparison with sporting the same old hairdo.
There is another fashion statement that I believe is getting a bad rap — accessories attached to one’s belt. I know you might seem skeptical but this used to be cool until Boy Scouts and rent-a-cops ruined it for everyone. I know that every one of you owned a fanny-pack at one point in your youth and thought it was awesome (I had the official Game Boy fanny-pack). Well, I still think that they are awesome, and if I could fit that strap around my waist I would wear that fanny-pack. And I would clip random belongings to the belt for easy access.
You must understand that when I say accessories attached to the belt I don’t mean a cell phone and a flashlight. I’m thinking a small sword and an iPod and maybe a little compartment for anything from drugs to tater tots. If you are doubting the cool factor just look back in history. Knights had stuff on their belts, the military is known for belt-based carrying accoutrements, and the final example of belt accessories that will have everyone wearing a fanny-pack: Batman. The Dark Knight himself is known for a belt laced with cool gadgets. This style is extremely functional yet still cooler than warriors and superheroes.
1-27-2005