Dear Grace,
It’s the end of my freshman year and I’m finally realizing the rumors are true: nobody dates at Pepperdine. Am I doing something wrong? Or is there a better way to meet people?
Sincerely,
Relationship IQ
I’m not going to waste anyone’s time by pretending like Seaver College offers any viable forums through which one might meet someone with the intention of cultivating a dating relationship. The only thing more embarrassing than sitting through one of the many Relationship IQ convos is realizing you forgot to scan in and having to fill out a convo appeal form summarizing what you learned only to be denied credit due to providing an insufficient synopsis. I recommend avoiding the whole scene.
Instead of making up something outlandish about introducing yourself to strangers in the Caf like a desperate lunatic, I decided instead to do some investigative journalism around Malibu to see which population demographics are most likely to date Seaver students. Not surprisingly, the homeless population responded with keen interest.
More appropriate, however, was the enthusiastic response I received from our neighbors to the north. Not the Oregonians, no, our very own Pepperdine law students! How many times have I heard friends express a wistful desire for an older partner with goals, direction and a bright career ahead? How many times have I carefully applied eye liner before ascended the CCB stairs under the unconvincing guise of craving a breakfast burrito? I’m here to tell you: Law students long for you in return!
A tall, good-looking male law student — who shall remain nameless — expressed, unprompted, a desire to meet undergrad women without wandering creepily onto Joslyn plaza with a “need girlfriend” sign. Future lawyers, always sensitive to what might become a lawsuit, insist that we come to them. When I asked what he suggested in terms of expediting a meet and greet, he supplied the following answer: “wait outside the law classrooms in the atrium.”
There you have it, Waves, the answer lies in the atrium. In case you don’t have any idea what or where “the atrium” is, don’t fret! It’s the poorly decorated lobby right inside the law school’s front doors. I suggest wearing something that might clearly identify you as an undergrad, so on-the-market law students will be able to quickly identify you and sweep you off your feet. Whether that’s Greek letters, an under 21 wristband or a vertical license, be sure to advertise your apparent youth and use it toward your own advantage.
Next time you crave a breakfast burrito, turn not to Drescher. Nay, drive on, and park illegally in front of the green curb outside the law school.
Formal coming up? Be bold, Seaver students, and delve into the unknown world and dancing prowess of Juris Doctoral candidates. A new realm of possibility has been born out of the simple knowledge that any feelings you may hold for those mysterious, alluring, lawyers at the top of the hill is not unrequited.
Take heart, Relationship IQ, in the solace that there is at least one demographic on this desolate dating wasteland of a university campus that is at least open to the idea of meeting people of the opposite gender.
And please, do yourself a favor and avoid any convocation advertising a panel of married students, a Church of Christ perspective on modern courtship or speed dating in the Sandbar.
