#JosephKony has streamed his way to the forefront of news in the past week. Ever since the 27-minute video was posted on Vimeo, newly minted passionate human rights advocates and those clicktivists modishly swimming in their wake have raised support for the Invisible Children Inc.’s cause. Properly garbed in a “Stop Kony” shirt and beanie, a torch for Lady Justice in one hand and an iPhone in the other, these agents of social change have discovered a horrendous social atrocity and retweeted it.
Now, I have been an Invisible Children supporter ever since I acquired my “White Innocent” Bracelet; it’s stylish, and it tells a story. Nevertheless, Invisible Children has come under a considerable amount of scrutiny for their non-profit practices. They have been accused of being sensationalists and exploiters; I’ve heard countless self-righteous po-mo Joes chiming in about how Invisible Children Inc. have purchased first-class airplane tickets for themselves and only contribute 30 percent of fundraising directly to their cause. But hold the phone …have you ever flown to Africa? It’s really far, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be sitting in coach for 20 hours with your knees bumping Consuelo in front of you, watching a Tim Allen flick anymore than they do. And only 30 percent? I say bravo, Invisible Children Inc.! 30 percent percent is a nice medium somewhere between tithing standards and being deemed corrupt by the Better Business Bureau. Let me qualify – stats here are strictly pulled from hearsay and Wikipedia.
Sure the whole let’s go kill this madman terrorist strategy sounds great (and eerily familiar), but I do have my reservations of how exactly this viral video will properly govern American foreign policy on the issue. Since these qualms have prevented me from endorsing the “Kony” movement, I have been mulling over a solution to the problems in Uganda and beyond.
Invisible. Whether it be through the literary work of Ralph Ellison or the musical genius of Clay Aiken, it is deeply acknowledged that humanity fears becoming invisible, a specter within reality. It’s the incomprehensible reality of this concept that evokes the pathos reaction of the first-world viewer, viciously sobbing and simultaneously reaching for her wallet. We identify with the innate human notion that nobody wants to be invisible … unless that invisibility could get you as far away as possible from Joseph Kony’s crazy ass and the 105 degree heat of a summer day in Northern Uganda.
I’m talking invisibility cloaks. What once was an effort to bring these “invisible” children into the public spotlight is now going to be a strategic exodus out of the hands of Kony’s lunacy. It’s simple. We airdrop around 25,000 top-of-the-line US military cloaking devices somewhere in Northeast-Africa and hope for the best. Best case scenario, the children soldiers come across the drop, pop on the invisibility cloaks like they are second-years sneaking off to Hogsmeade and escape safely into some place a little more chill. Djibouti sounds nice. The innocents we once pejoratively coined as invisible now have a shot at freedom and justice by literally transforming into invisible children. Bask in the beautiful irony of my plan. I can see the headlines now… “Invisible Children go invisible to finally become visible” or something along those lines. Now worst case scenario, we have just armed the psychologically manipulated LRA with high-tech LED cloaking devices that will significantly boost the momentum of Kony’s cause. I suppose the plan is kind of a toss up.
