2011 was quite a year–despite another economic dip, new waves in culture continue to rise to the mainstream, forming the zeitgeist of our time. Here is a look at some Over/Under predictions on various statistical hypotheses for this year
Babies named after Colors — 50
OVER. Any culture junkie can predict that Jay-Z and Beyonce’s newborn, Blue Ivy (apart from sounding like an especially potent strand of Marijuana), will set a trend. 2012 will see a wave of new baby color-themed names. In the next few months, baby Orange and baby Green, maybe even baby Beige, will be welcomed into the world. The rapper-singer couple has opened a new door, an untapped source of never-before-seen names. The options are endless; there are primary and secondary colors alike that have yet to be explored. Prepare for the year of baby Indigo and baby Maroon.
Doomsday Movements — 5
UNDER. The rapture letdown in 2011 was the proverbial boy who cried wolf, and it has taken the wind out of the fanatical obsession with the end of the world. The Mayan prediction is still on the table for 2012, but John Cusack’s performance in the film “2012” has made even the most infamous eschatological claims a laughing matter. Expect the end-of-time chatter to simmer down in the coming year, unless of course a giant Michelle Bachmann is on trajectory to crash into the planet earth.
TV Sitcoms that will revert back to the 90s style — 1
UNDER. It is my sincere hope that the dismal performance of the NBC sitcom “Whitney” has murdered the possibility of 90s sitcom style to make its return to television. Why think that in the changing climate of television sitcoms, when TV is getting quicker and more true to life, would we want to watch a pale reflection of classics like “Full House” and “Family Matters?” There are some high expectations for 2012, but if atrocious writing accompanied by gratuitously inauthentic laugh tracks take the main stage of primetime TV, then maybe the Mayans knew something that we do not.
Steadfast Tim Tebowites — 10 Million
UNDER. Tebow’s time in the limelight has come and gone faster than the New England defensive backs who absolutely owned the God warrior in the backfield in the game on Saturday night. Maybe Tebow will see some time in the NFL next fall, but for all intents and purposes, Tebow Time has expired and it has expired hard. Perhaps some diehard folks in the greater Denver metropolitan area will blindly hold out faith in the return of Tebow, but it seems fair to suggest that with every rickety pass devoid of mechanical finesse, a mass of subscribers to Tebowism fall away.
Dub-Step Converts — 30 Million
OVER. As long as musical electronics continue to improve and Northern Europe continues to pump out mass amounts of E to be shipped across the pond, people will continue to womp their heads off to dirty, dirty dub-step. Robot music, as I like to call it, will continue sweeping the musical world. Rising stars like Skrillex and Nero have wobbled their way into mainstream music, and as long as the beats keep dropping, 2012 is sure to be dubtastic. Look for dub-step and its devout adherents to roll their way through 2012 at 140 beats per minute, emerging as the genre of the decade.
Whether or not you agree with this trivial conjecture concerning the year ahead, one thing can be said — only time will tell. 2012 is sure to see new trends, irrational paranoia, vintage comebacks, and the latest underdog cult following. Unfortunately, it is simply too early to discern what all 2012 might bring, but if history is a good indicator of what is to happen, then whatever comes our way will certainly be hastily blown out of proportion and consequently discarded from the vanguard of society before you can even find time to tweet about it.