Pick a fraternity boy/sorority girl. Once you’ve got your sights set on that dreamy Greek-affiliated co-ed don’t let him/her get away. This person will most likely become your future spouse. Just ask any Pepperdine alum.
(Girls) Bake your way into his heart. Heart-shaped cookies cakes or brownies will always win. If you can’t cook run to the Caf or HAWC and pick up a dozen mixed cereal rice Krispie treats and arrange them nicely on a heart-shaped plate. Try spelling out the word “formal” in frosting. Whatever you do don’t be too subtle.
(Guys) Play the hero. This can include but is not limited to washing and waxing her car by hand buying her a Crumbs cupcake once a day (and then reassuring her of her impressive physique) and writing her Great Books papers for her.
Practice taking formal photos. Dress up and have your roommate take pictures of you as you pose gallantly framed by the Malibu sunset. Guys have someone leap into your arms proving your stamina and manpower. Girls pop your heel and grab any nearby tie.
Take advantage of the Peppervine. Tell everyone you have a conversation with that you want to go to formal. Make sure people know just how badly you want to go.
Talk yourself up. Make casual references about what a great date you would be. Talk about how much you love doing “the Jerk” and that you know every word to “Party in the U.S.A.”
Utilize Facebook. Strike up a conversation on Facebook chat every time you see he/she is online. Never be the first one to sign off. Fill his/her wall with comments bumper stickers and application requests so that every time he/she goes online your name pops up in the notifications.
Bust a move. Take every opportunity to show off your dance moves. Life is a disco; utilize that floor. Never leave anywhere without your Black Eyed Peas-stocked iPod. Practice while you wait for your sandwich at Oasis or while you’re walking to class.
Become best friends with his/her friends. If you have to stalk a little that is completely acceptable. The end will justify the means. Besides these people will later become your bridesmaids and groomsmen so schmooze a lot to make sure they like you. It never hurt anyone to kiss a little butt.
Rearrange your schedule. As you register for this upcoming spring semester organize your classes to match your date of choice. At the very least make it so you will “bump into” each other on the shuttle. Mark your calendar with an all-caps “NO PLANS” on the day of the formal you’re trying to get asked to. Douse the calendar with your perfume of choice and slide it under his/her door.
Endanger his/her life then save it. This way he or she is obligated to return the favor somehow. We live minutes from shark-infested waters and are surrounded by giant gorges. The options for dangerous activities are endless. Just don’t forget the saving part or all your work prior to this step will have been for nothing.
Show your dedication. Find out when his/her chapter meetings are and give a surprise poetry reading complete with interpretive dance. Make sure everyone knows who the inspiration behind the performance is.
Beg. If none of these seal the deal take the hint that your date of choice is merely painfully shy and needs you to ask them. Don’t take no for an answer.
Please note: Neither the Graphic nor Pepperdine University endorse dishonesty stalking or physical assault. The Graphic however wholeheartedly endorses what some have come to call “casual dating and we believe that, for all intents and purposes, most university administrators would like to see us marry one another. Both institutions encourage courageous adventuring in the name of love and, as we all know, formals are an important step in the love process.