I did it. For this week’s edition of Eat Food Not Funds I Googled “cheap dorm food” and scoured blogs and cooking magazine Web sites for new ideas for cheap quick eats. I never thought I would sink to this level of desperation.

The unfortunate motivation for this online treasure hunt was twofold: first as the semester moves forward midterms absolutely annihilate the student body and finals loom in the distance like an impending Category 5 hurricane so free time to run off campus (for me and I assume the rest of Pepperdine) in search of sub-$10 repast is essentially nonexistent.

For many dorm- and Payson-bound students on-campus eating is becoming an unfortunate necessity. And secondly the investigative journalist in me (just kidding but still) dies at the prospect of this but Malibu is ceasing to offer up its cheap dining gems. I mean last week we reviewed Jack-in-the-Box and a review of Cholada or Malibu Seafood isn’t going to do the faithful readers of the Graphic any good.

It’s a sad day when the gals of Eat Food Not Funds admit defeat. But fear not frugal foodies this lull in the action is wholly temporary. This week’s search is sure to get the juices flowing.

So my Internet investigation yielded unsurprising results. The consensus? Every single top dorm food list I found included the following: ramen noodles leftover pizza Goldfish crackers “anything frozen and microwaveable cereal and popcorn. Unfazed by these dorm food classics that I had exhausted by the second week of school freshman year, I widened my search radius. Of course, every single college cooking Web site gave general advice like choose healthy options in the cafeteria” and “don’t eat out because you’ll waste money.” Those pointers got me nowhere but they did spark a little fire of foodie inspiration.

This week’s project instead of finding an off-campus restaurant with a low-budget menu and quirky atmosphere is to bring low-budget eats to the quirky atmosphere of Pep’s dorms by making everything old new again. Ramen and popcorn have far more potential than the typical Wave could ever imagine. Get out of that “shove in the CoolWave and eat it on the way to class” frame of mind and give new life to old favorites.

Ramen noodles are a major food group for the set of students who eat religiously in their rooms while glued either to a political science textbook or the third season of “The Office.” They certainly stick to the $10 Eat Food Not Funds budget at less than a dollar a packet and they’re easily amplified into full-blown meals for four with some quick tricks.

Instead of straight tap water use chicken or beef broth. Use half of the flavoring packet if you choose to use it at all; using broth saves you some on your sodium and preservative intake. Right after you add the noodles to the boiling broth crack in an egg or two (borrowed from neighbors of course in order to stay within the budget) and stir that mess.  If you’re a carnivore add in some almost-browned ground beef once the egg has set a bit; if you’re an herbivore … let’s face it: meat is more expensive and harder on the environment than veggies. Stick with the veggies and everyone wins.

If you’re working out of Rockwell Towers or a residence hall and thus have only a microwave and perhaps a coffeepot in your arsenal of cooking appliances it’s still easy to make over a packet of Ramen. Skip the egg and meat (or replace that protein component with pre-grilled chicken strips) and toss in some fresh veggies steamed in the microwave. Sesame seeds and soy sauce will make your Ramen masterpiece feel like it came from a legit restaurant instead of your microwave.

So there’s revamped ramen and then there’s revamped popcorn. While there’s no real way to make microwave popcorn into a complete well-balanced meal (other than making it a side dish to your ramen main course of wonder and nutrition) it’s entirely possible to kick it up a notch as a snack using things you probably already have in your room.

Once you’ve popped your popcorn empty the bag into a clean plastic grocery bag with a pad of butter about a centimeter wide (that’s a tablespoon for those dorm dwellers not familiar with the metric system). Hold the bag closed tight and shake it up until the popcorn’s well-coated. From here your flavoring options are virtually endless. Start with the leftover ramen flavoring powder and experiment with taco seasoning hot chocolate mix and cinnamon and sugar.

If you have extra Hershey bars laying around melt those suckers and drizzle your popcorn in chocolatey glory. Not only will that use up your Halloween leftovers but the caffeine in the chocolate will give you a little boost for writing your term papers. Too cheap to hit up Ralphs for those popcorn additives? Salt and pepper packets from the HAWC are still free of charge and calories.

If you’re fortunate enough to have easy access to the Caf (and by easy access I mean a fully loaded meal plan) it’s easier than you think to take advantage of on-campus eats. Take one part nasty Caf food add two parts ingenuity and wash it down with a big gulp of “this is better than starvation” and you’re home free. For instance try slathering an order of fries with a can of premade chilli or bring home some $2 pasta and garnish it with your own home-made meatballs— that way you can actually identify what’s in them.

This week Eat Food Not Funds got desperate. We wish you well in your search for low-cost on-campus options and promise to return next week with our usual vim and vigor.