JENNY YANG
Staff Writer
With final weeks of college approaching, I’m tempted to look back and remember all the good times. Then again I’m also tempted to steal the parrot off our crazy neighbor’s bathrobe-clad shoulder as he paces the street at 10:00 a.m. stealing newspapers from driveways (true story). I’m not usually one to resist a good temptation, but this time I’ll pass on both the tearful goodbye and on petty theft, respectively.
So, instead, I will selflessly impart some advice to those who will be here in the years to come. With that said, I present you with my gift to mankind: WTF-PU (Wisdom Toward Future-Pepperdine University) a.k.a.- “I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger… ”
1) Don’t take class so seriously. Sure a 3.9 GPA is great and all, but a D is not the end of the world. A black sky and fiery hail, on the other hand, might signal the apocalypse, in which case, “it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”
My point here is that overachievers are no fun, unless the other person is an overachiever too, in which case you’re both lame. It’s quite possible I’m just bitter because people like you have made me look bad, but let’s not delve into that.
2) On a similar academic note, the only thing worse than an overachiever is a closet studier. If you tell your friends you can’t go out because you have a test next week, that’s sad. If you tell your friends you can’t go out because you have a hot date, but whip out your marine bio book as soon as they leave… you might be a closet studier. According to my scientific observations, 2.3 out of every 6 students fall into this category.
It’s a shame since these people often appear to be socially competent individuals yet have an inner beast lurking within who actually (gasp!) cares despite all outward denial. My feeling on the situation: either embrace the nerd within and become an overachiever (see point 1, above) or let it go completely and become a slacker (see point 3, below).
3) Ahh, slackers… unite. If you fall into this category, you know it. You enjoy life. You live it on the edge. You blow-off assignments, blunder through quizzes and fly past projects. Your dedication to the art of nonchalance deserves an award of some sort — probably one comprised entirely of Cheetos and maple syrup.
Hats off to you, friend… but remember what year you’re supposed to graduate. This might require some addition, subtraction and/or multiplication. It’s tough, I know but worthwhile. I’ve seen too many of you fall prey to the mocked (or is it revered?) title of Super Senior.
4) Skip Convo as frequently as possible. It’s refreshing to fail at something. Remember, “F” is for Fantastic!
5) Keep a journal. No — really. You’d be surprised at how hilarious you can be when you’re not trying. There’s nothing like pointing and laughing at your past self, as long as it doesn’t laugh back.
6) Annoy Public Safety. They like it.
7) Sleep on the couch in the Sandbar. It’s remarkably comfortable.
8) Save your legs. Take the shuttle.
9) Learn for the sake of learning something you’re interested in, not for the grade. I have more worthless acronyms swimming around in my brain than I have boats to save them, sort them out and take them back to their motherland.
10) Savor the moments. They taste like gummy bears.
I have no idea where four years went. Wait, yes I do… they went into some amazing unforgettable memories. But I already promised I wouldn’t go there. I’ll let you figure out where to spend yours for yourself. Just remember: spend them well and spend them wisely.
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
E-mail: jlyang@pepperdine.edu
03-31-2005