By DeNae Thomas
Staff Writer
Dear RA:
Perhaps you can help me with this dilemma. There is this guy living in my suite. I am pretty sure he is one of my suitemate’s friends.
I overheard him talking about hating living off campus because he has to get up early to drive to class. I can understand that – but his stuff is all over the suite area.
I can hardly walk into my room. Also, no one can leave food in the fridge in our suite because it has been mysteriously disappearing.
What should I do?
Frustrated in F suite
Dear Frustrated:
I can understand why you are upset. A suite area can become crowded with eight people sharing it, so when a ninth person is added things can become crazy. In this kind of situation, subtlety is not necessarily the answer. Although you may be tempted to leave apartment and hotel brochures all over the suite for your ninth suitemate, it will be much more efficient and effective to communicate directly.
First, find out which one of your suitemates is allowing their friend to live in your suite. You will probably feel like venting to everyone in your suite, but it will be much more comfortable in the future if you communicate directly with the suitemate who is responsible. You could even ask the mystery person with which one of your suitemates he is friends.
Once you have identified the suitemate in question, approach him amicably, but also seriously. If you pretend like you are just joking when you approach him, he will not realize this is something that is really bothering you. And approaching him with an excessively angry tone will not get you anywhere either.
Explain to your suitemate how you feel about his friend taking up all of the space in the suite. You may also want to bring up the fact that food is disappearing.
Provide specific examples of why you think his friend should go back to living in an apartment off campus. Recommend that the friend get later classes so they don’t have to get up as early.
Most likely your suitemate will respond to you positively and tell his friend it’s time to leave. However, if that is not the case, it is time to ask your RA to conduct a Basic Human Respect meeting.
You could opt for a BHR between you and the suitemate, or if all of your suitemates are expressing concern about the situation, you could have a BHR with the entire suite.
Either way, your RA will help establish some boundaries and compromises.
Lastly, it concerns me that you say you “think” it is one of your suitemate’s friends. While you should generally attempt to communicate with your suitemate first in a situation like this, if you end up finding out this person is not even a Pepperdine student, contact your RA immediately.
October 02, 2003