Shannon Kelly
Assistant Perspectives Editor
This just in: Politicians get treated like they’re special. Wait a minute, that’s old news. Everyone knows that Washington hot shots like Sen. Edward Kennedy (a random example) enjoy special perks, and lucky for them, the government has found yet another way to make their lives easier.
Now cream-of-the-crop politicians can bypass certain crucial airport security procedures. Kennedy jumps on his plane without the usual hassle of long lines and embarrassing pat downs, standard procedures that the average American is forced to endure.
What is the cause of yet another example of special treatment? The Travel Security Association (TSA), which is part of the Department of Homeland Security, has graciously gone out of its way to help politicians. Maybe one day they’ll find it in their hearts to help the rest of us. But don’t get angry with the TSA before you know exactly what changes they’re making.
On their official Web site, the TSA claims “Air Travel has never been safer than it is today.” That actually is something they can pat themselves on their backs about. But they’ve instituted the government’s flawed “no-fly” list as part of this heightened security. Stop the back patting.
This government blacklist is a name-based configuration of people who must go through extra security before they board any plane. Some people on the list aren’t allowed to fly at all. The TSA officials say it is meant to protect Americans against potential terrorists and people who pose major security threats. What’s so bad about that? America’s population is more than 290 million and many thousands of people share the same name. So with a name-based system, thousands of people are a part of the list for the wrong reason.
My dad is on the list. Mr. Edward T. Kelly, I always knew he was a terrorist. The other day he took me out to lunch and the whole time I was on the edge of my seat thinking he could pull a bomb out of his briefcase at any second. What did Dad do wrong? He and thousands with the same name committed the awful crime of sharing the exact same name as the one Edward Kelly who actually does have something on his record that makes him suspect. TSA officials stop and question my dad, a hardworking family man, each time he travels instead of pinpointing people who really pose security threats.
Babies are terrorists, too. They have us all fooled with the crawling around and spitting up on themselves act, but the TSA couldn’t be tricked. According to the Associated Press, one woman missed her flight when security personnel realized her infant’s name was on the no-fly list. After more than an hour of screening and extra checks, the woman finally convinced TSA officials that her child was not a national security threat. It’s reassuring to see that the government makes good use of time, resources and taxpayer’s dollars to make sure babies don’t have bombs in their diapers.
What should the Edwards and the babies do? Anyone on the no-fly list can go through an impossible bureaucratic ordeal involving background checks and weeks of paper work to have their names removed. Still there is no guarantee, which leaves them stuck in the questioning lines for the rest of their traveling careers. Or they can become high profile politicians.
Kennedy’s people called the TSA’s people and bam, his name magically disappeared from the list. On Aug. 19, Free Talk Live reported that the TSA released an internal memo saying they would no longer stop high profile politicians for extra security screening. Now that’s a perk.
I suggested politics as a better career choice for my Dad because of the new travel benefits. If 8-month-olds could talk, I’d suggest the same thing. But until my Dad quits his job and the babies grow up, at least Kennedy got what he wanted.
8-29-2005