Graphic by Haley Laningham
To the average visitor, the front yard of a freshman dorm is completely typical. Grass, sidewalk, rocking bench. However, as students quickly realize, those benches come with strings attached.
Somewhere in the history and tradition of Pepperdine, some irritating soul decided that these benches were to be specifically and exclusively designated for would-be couples to define their relationships.
Thus, the DTR bench was born.
Here at Pepp Probz, we feel your pain. We feel the excruciating realization that an entire category of seating is off limits at Pepperdine purely based on precedent.
To the non-Pepperdine resident this may sound ridiculous — and it is. There is actually an entire set of benches on this campus that people forbid themselves to use.
Let us also remember that the DTR benches are definitely of above average bench quality. I mean they rock. Literally, they rock back and forth! Yet, sadly, they remain empty, marking the unrealistic expectations that students have of one another.
The infamous DTR bench seems to exist purely to spite students. Literally no one can use it.
Think about it, people, and tell me this isn’t ridiculous. These chairs are begging us to sit on them. They may soon crumple into dust from non-use. Such a waste. And I thought Pepperdine was green.
Couples dare not enter the vicinity of the bench, lest they be labeled as relationship definers. There is simply too much pressure involved.
We’ve all been there: walking by the bench and goggling at a pair sitting. Are they a couple? Just friends? Maybe they’re deciding at this very moment.
But single people can’t entertain hopes of sitting on these fantastic wooden thrones either, because it would serve only to highlight their singleness.
Worse, the would-be phone caller must risk people assuming their call is of the romantic quality even if they’re just talking to their mom.
Seating simply should not have such limiting connotations.
The result is that these benches serve only to collect dust and cultivate spiderwebs. Pepp Probz implores you to stand up to the DTR bench precedent and control the spider population at Pepperdine.
I bet AKB would sit on the benches. Let his imaginary example inspire you. Better yet, inspire yourself to sit where ever you darn well want.
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