Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
In high school, I had a shining image of what college would be like: a fresh start with many opportunities to meet new people and forge close friendships.
But reality didn’t completely fulfill my expectations.
The social environment was different from what I imagined. People were generally kind, but I found I had difficulty finding genuine connections.
“53% of current college students reported that they are currently concerned with feeling lonely, and 47% reported they are concerned with feeling isolated,” according to Sodexo.
The pressure to find a community weighed constantly on my mind. Despite my efforts to plug into various clubs, I still could not feel quite at home as others seemed to.
Out of the few good friends I did find, most ended up transferring due to a similar dissatisfaction with Pepperdine’s social life. There was only so much community in a small university, so if you didn’t fit in, transferring was the closest option.
Typically, I don’t need a giant group of friends to feel content, but discovering how out of place I felt led to much anxiety and loneliness. I didn’t know how to deal with it for a while.
But, once I finally came to accept the plain reality of the situation, I learned how to make the best of it.
Going on a walk outside, committing myself to a hobby or taking myself on a solo date helped to physically get myself into a wider space, which in turn, broadened my mental space from loneliness.
Calling friends back home could make me more homesick, but it was mostly a reminder that there were people who still had my back no matter where I was.
The Bright Side
Positive thoughts can broaden one’s mindset and facilitate successful coping and survival, whereas a person in a negative mood can become trapped in negative thoughts, according to Verywell Health.
Although I’m no optimist, I knew stewing in loneliness wasn’t going to make things better.
I enjoyed the quality of my education, which really was the main point of going to college. I was lucky to have the opportunity to study in an environment that promoted student-professor interactions.
There was also no denying that I live on a beautiful campus. Even if I didn’t particularly care too much about going to the beach, the ocean and Malibu’s sunsets are a breathtaking sight.
Even though close friends left the school, I was grateful for the good times and the ways they shaped my life.
Of course, I could list off a number of complaints I have about college too. But I quickly learned that dwelling too much on these things, as I am apt to do as a pessimist, only worsened my everyday experiences.
Sure, this wasn’t exactly how I imagined college to go, but I only had so much time as an undergraduate. What was the rush? Why not enjoy the present moment while it lasts?
After all, these four years are only 5% of our lives, according to a previous PGM article, “Good News: Hold On to the 5%, and Make the Most of College.”
Life will never be perfect, so I will choose to be happy with life as it is.
Being OK With Being Alone
Loneliness isn’t uncommon, but it can still be difficult for anyone to deal with, regardless of whether you’re around friends or not.
But I believe there is a lot you can learn about yourself within loneliness, and mindfulness is a great practice to navigate it. There are new experiences to be found when you are on your own.
YouTuber Via Li is a particular influencer who was helpful for me while I struggled to adjust to college life. She posts vlogs and gives advice, particularly about not fitting in and being alone.
In her video “To anyone feeling lonely and feels like they don’t belong,” Li said, “Stop trying to belong because it gets exhausting.”
I believe this is an important point anyone can learn from.
Personally, I will continue to keep an open mind to the possibility of changes, but I will not force myself to act a certain way just to end up exhausted and unhappy.
I would much rather be content on my own than to “belong” in a group where I still end up feeling alone as well as drained.
I may speak for the minority of students at Pepperdine, but I hope those who feel or have felt the same way as I have can find some solace knowing they are not alone in their loneliness.
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Follow the Graphic on Twitter: @PeppGraphic
Email Faith Oh: faith.oh@pepperdine.edu
